


Keys to Recovery

by Siddal



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avenger Bucky Barnes, Banter, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Breakfast, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes's Notebooks, Bucky plays piano, F/M, First Dates, First Time, Flashbacks, Memory Loss, Missions Gone Wrong, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Post-Civil War, Protective Steve Rogers, Recovery, Red Room (Marvel), Reveal, Semi-Public Sex, Shower Sex, Sleepovers, Steve is the toned butt of all the jokes, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, very mild jokey Sharon Carter bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-05-17 09:46:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5864485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siddal/pseuds/Siddal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky remembers being able to play piano. A parting gift from his otherwise evil former masters. He tries to recover the forgotten skill and recovers memories in the process. But he might not be the only one with memories to recover.</p><p>Prepare for a bit of Avengers team banter and sleepovers.</p><p>COMPLETED</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"AH! Home sweet home."

Tony Stark stretches in his casual clothes as the Avengers trail behind him uncomfortably in full gear.

"More like gallery, sweet gallery. Why is this place so bare?" asks Clint looking around the common room of their once home.

"You mean clean right? Since we moved out of the tower; less testosterone, less mess." teases Natasha

"All the personal stuff are either in our suite or in his workshop." 

"Hey Pepper!" They all greet her. Hands are shook, hugs are given, introductions made.

"A lot of the rooms have gone unused since you guys left. And every time I try to decorate the main floor, Tony just stuffs it some other place." Pepper complains jokingly.

"Well we seem to keep getting unwanted visitors in the communal areas. I’m just protecting your sentimental treasures." Tony rationalizes.

"Can’t fight that logic."

Pepper pauses at the sight of a brooding Bucky at the back of the group.

There is an awkward silence. The team looking back and forth between Pepper and Bucky.

"Evening ma’am. Sorry, if my presence makes you uncomfortable. I said I’d…"

"Nonsense! You may have been a super assassin once upon a time but you’ve got more manners than most of Tony’s hangers-on back before his Iron Man days. Bucky…Can I call you Bucky? You’re more than welcome." Pepper gives his smile.

"Thank you."

"Anyway! This place may no longer have a humongous ‘A’ on it but our doors are still open to any Avenger, even after that little…skirmish. I’ve had your personal floors prepared"

Steve runs his fingers through his hair in embarrassment. "That wasn’t necessary, Pepper. We could just..." 

"No worries." She assures them. "I just had them cleaned. They’ve gone relatively unchanged. You still have stuff here. You guys just have to decide which newbie’s bunking up with whom."

"Have a couch to spare, Hawk-bro?" Sam asks Clint.

"Sure, thing Birdbrain."

"Wanda can stay with me." say Natasha.

"I don’t require sleeping quarters." declares Vision.

"You can stay with me." Bruce pats the 'man' on the shoulder.

Tony claps his hands and says "Well, Winter Wonderland’s obviously staying with Spangles, so that’s settled. Anyone up for a nightcap?"

* * *

 

Everyone sits around drinking from warm mugs in a circle of couches, pillows and blankets. They have quiet conversations and restful silences. Everyone exhausted from another day of crime fighting, alien invasions and espionage.

Bucky, still not all that comfortable with the comfortable camaraderie of the team, stands leaning beside Steve, on the side of a couch. His eyes wonder around the room and over his new team. He also takes all the exits into account out of habit.

 He doesn’t remember everything yet but he remembers that this awkwardness isn’t all that new. His old self was charming, kind and a good fighter. But he was the sniper. The sneaky one. He was fond of his team, the Howling Commandos, and they had their fun. But he never was one for friendly brawling and easy conversation.

His eyes fall upon a grand piano. Clean but obviously unused. He slowly walks over to it, attracting the attention of Steve and soon, everyone else in the room.

He glides his fingers over the instrument. A familiar feeling coming over him. A feeling he used to avoid but has, since his awakening, been encouraged to embrace. There was a piano in his past.

"Do you play, Stark?" he asks, his eyes not leaving the grain of the pianos wood.

"Nope." Tony and Pepper answer at the same time.

"What a rich guy thing to do, using a grand piano as decoration. Good to know you’re not beyond stereotypes, Stark." says Clint.

"Is it tuned?" He asks as he pushes himself to sit on the bench.

"Should be. It’s new. The last one had a robot crash into it." Tony answers with a snicker.

"How many pianos do you go through in a year?" asks Bruce to which Tony just shrugs.

Steve walks over to piano. "Since when do you play?" He asks, looking at him with concern.

Steve knows the somber look on Bucky's face, the look of memories coming back. Sometimes they were pleasant memories and other times they were utterly debilitating.

"Must be something I acquired in service of Hydra. They may be a bunch of Nazi assholes but they certainly bulked up my resume."

"You remember how to play?" asks Steve.

"Almost."

Bucky tests out a few stiff keys, reacquainting himself with the feel of them on the tips of his fingers. He then takes a nervous breath, his fingers hovering over the keys at the ready. They then land on the keys to play a sweet but sad tune.

He smiles. He likes the sound of the piano. This must be at least a tolerable memory. But then images flash before his eyes.

A little girl pirouettes in a white tutu. A mass of red curls. Blood.

He pushes himself to continue.

He sees a crowd of people in formal dress. A slender girl punching a man while perched atop his shoulders. Ball gowns. The smell of gun powder. A spotlight on a ballerina. Fire. He remembers singing. Hands tying his bow tie. The sound and feel of a gasp on his ear.

Classical music. Jazz. Rock and Roll. A slow tune. A young woman spinning with glee. Taking the woman in his arms. They dance. The warmth of bare breasts on his chest. Finger nails on his scalp. The sweet taste of a kiss. Cold absence. Tears. The shrill sound of desperate screams. The face…

Bucky hits a false note and stops. His audience all stare with concern.

"You alright Buck?" Steve puts a hand on his shoulder.

Bucky stands abruptly, knocking the bench over. His long hair hides the tears streaming down his face.

"Excuse me."

He walks off and pauses, not sure where to go.

Steve follows him and puts an arm on his shoulders.

"This way. Come on."

* * *

 

Bucky stands frozen in Steve’s room.

"You should get ready for bed. Bathroom's that way." Steve points to Bucky's right. "I’ll find you some clothes."

But Bucky still doesn't move.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Bucky takes a breath and slowly makes his way to a chair. He sits slouched over, leaning his head on his hands, covering his eyes.

"They had me learn to play piano. It became useful a few years after my ‘death’ I suppose, when the world no longer recognized Captain America’s best friend. It was useful for infiltration. I could be the entertainment for a party or a musically gifted socialite. Sometimes the best hiding spots were right in front of people."

Steve nods in agreement.

"There was a girl. A ballerina. I played music for her to dance to sometimes. She was probably another Department X operative."

"Department X?" asks Steve.

"I may have been on loan to the Soviets or shared property with Hydra."

"You are not property." Steve insists.

"I was then. The girl…I think I loved her. And she loved me back. And we were punished for it." Tears appeared on the rim of Bucky's eyes.

"What do you remember about her?"

Bucky's sad face turns into a frown of confusion.

"The impossible." 

* * *

 

Wanda stands frozen in Nat’s floor.

"You okay?" asks Nat as she throws a towel in the young girls direction.

"When Bucky was playing…I think I saw some of his memories." Wanda admits.

"You really shouldn’t do that." says Nat with a somber look.

"I know. I tried but he was…projecting. I just saw a few flashes. Glimpses. Heard sounds."

"Just try harder to avoid them next time."

"I saw you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Let's give this a go. Bit more Nat-centric this time around.

Natasha walks into the kitchen the next morning to find Steve making coffee. She walks up to him and snags the cup he’d just poured.

“So, how’s Barnes, Rogers? Seemed like a rough night.” she says casually while Steve stares at the cup of coffee she’d just taken from him.

He lets out an exasperated huff and moves to pour another cup for himself.

“Fine, I think. He just got some sad memories last night. We talked about it so that’s good.” He replies sleepily.

“That bad?” she asks.

“I just said he’s good.” Steve says defensively.

“Then why doesn’t it look like you had a restful sleep.” Natasha gives him a knowing look. “You know this whole friendship thing you keep on insist on? It goes both ways.”

Wanda walks into the kitchen to find Natasha and the captain talking. She backs away and kept herself hidden around a corner and listens in. From the tone of his voice, Cap seems to be in distress.

“I mean, he seems fine but it’s like there is something he’s not telling me. He has the right to his privacy but he’s told me most everything else. I know about the conditioning, the torture and the things they made him do. What could be so bad that he’d keep it from me?”

Wanda sees Natasha put a comforting hand on Steve’s shoulder and say “Steve, he knows you’re on his side. He knows how much you care. But there’s bound to be some things he’d like to keep to himself. That doesn’t necessarily mean those things are bad. He’ll come around.”

Natasha walks off with her coffee to sit at the large center island of the kitchen. Steve continues to fiddle with some kitchen equipment and looks through the fridge.

“What did the captain say?” whispers Wanda as she suddenly appears beside Natasha.

Nat curses in Russian but the former spy hides her surprise well. “Hill did say you were weird but that doesn’t mean you have to prove her right by being a sneaky little… Nothing important.”

“Morning, Wanda!” says Cap and Wanda acknowledges him with a smile and Cap continues with what he was doing.

Wanda stares back at Nat expectantly, and she reluctantly elaborates.

“I don’t think Bucky’s too sure about the details. No, actually he said he remembers more of the details and less of the bigger picture.” she whispers.

“So Bucky doesn’t remember?” Wanda asks in confusion.

“Not clearly, apparently.”

“But I saw you. How can he not have?” Wanda’s tone gets more agitated.

“Hush! I can’t deal with this right now.” Says Nat in an annoyed tone.

“Maybe he’s just not telling Cap…”

“Which is all I can hope for at the moment.”

“But…”

“Wanda, please!” Natasha whispers more forcefully which succeeds in shutting the girl up.

The rest of the team starts filing into the kitchen.

“Hey, anyone want pancakes?” Cap offers.

Natasha makes an exasperated sound then as if out of nowhere, Barnes asks “Don’t like pancakes?”

Natasha notes the critical look Barnes sends her way and replies “Not especially.”

“Don’t say that. You might offend Bucky. It’s his favorite.” Steve pipes in.

“It is?” asks both Nat and Bucky.

After an awkward silence, the team proceed with their morning rituals and enjoying Steve’s pancakes, while Natasha is content with eating toast.

While the men continue to satisfy their appetites, Natasha finishes eating and goes up to a pristine Pepper Potts who seems to have woken up earlier than all of them.

“Hey Pep.”

“Ow, hey Nat. What’s up?” Pepper looks up from whatever she was doing on her phone.

“Well, I don’t mean to rush you but since everyone seems to be way too comfortable being back here in the tower, I was wondering when the rooms for the others will be ready.”

Pepper chuckles and asks “Tired of babysitting already?”

"Wanda’s a nice kid. She has potential, she’s powerful, she’s…I think we both know I’m not exactly the type that makes good roommates.”

“Say no more. I’ve had people set up some other rooms with the essentials. The others can have their own rooms by tonight. Though I think Sam and Clint are really getting along.” Pepper says with a smile

“The expression ‘nesting’ has never been more appropriate. Thanks, Pep.”

“No problem.”

 

* * *

Natasha’s troubles lessened once Wanda moved out of her suite. The young Avenger still asks about her involvement with Bucky from time to time but knows better than to push too much. The girl does means well.

Days pass, and the team’s still living in the tower. The Avengers, old and new, seems to have found a new rhythm to things, living all in one place. They train and bond together and the team has never been stronger. All technical operations remain in the new Avengers facility but the ‘core group’, so to speak, have placed their base of operations at the tower.

The issue of Bucky’s supposed memories of her seemed to have been forgotten. To Nat’s knowledge, he’s gained more of his memories; memories of Brooklyn, life as an actual soldier, random hits he did for a variety of organizations. But based on Wanda’s less insistent questioning, Natasha hasn’t come up again.

Natasha finds herself alone looking out of the large windows of the common room, enjoying a rare moment of solitude but then the quiet is broken by a deep but strangely boyish voice.

“Natalia?”

Nat turns towards the source, Bucky Barnes sporting a conflicted look.

_“It really is you isn’t it? Little Talia. That brave little girl. That headstrong young woman.”_

Nat considers her reply and chooses the safest she could think of.

_“I go by Natasha now."_

_“When did you decide on that?_ ” he asks.

Natasha considers his appearance, concluding that he is sad.

 _“When I left Natalia behind.”_ She replies cautiously.

 _“What else did you leave behind!”_ his expression turns fierce but he reels it back at the sight of Nat’s distress.

“HEY NAT! WHERE YOU AT?” a voice calls from below.

Natasha makes her way down a stairwell but then she is grabbed by the arm.

 _“We’re not done here…I remember, as you obviously do as well.”_ Barnes’ ferocity returns... or was it desperation.

She pulls her arm free and continues her descent. She walks towards Clint, who was analyzing a map on a table monitor.

_“What is it Clint?”_

“What?” he looks at her confused.

She turns to look back at Bucky but he was no longer behind her.

They’d been speaking in Russian all along and she hadn’t realized.

She shakes off the confusion and turns back to Clint to say, in English this time, “Sorry. Why did you call?”

 

* * *

There’s a black market sale somewhere in Serbia, a pipe bomb in Iran, someone raiding old KGB facilities and a threat of a gang war in Colombia. They seemed harmless enough in the grand scheme of things but it always helped to be informed. But sure enough these cases weren’t what was on Nat’s mind while lying in bed that night.

She thought of James Buchanan Barnes. She thought of the Winter Soldier. Her memories of her youth were unclear, unnaturally so. Not like they faded but like parts of it were deleted. She always knew that her mind had been compromised before. She knew of the Winter Soldier before he’d shot her that one time but doesn’t remember how she’d gained that knowledge. She knew that she’d lived long before 1984 but not exactly how long. So, it’s entirely possible to have had encountered the Winter Soldier on a separate occasion to the ones she had knowledge of.

And then there it was. She felt the vibrations before she heard the sound, faint piano music coming through the intercom. Steve had taken to leaving the connection between the common room and his suite on, so he could listen for Bucky on the nights the amnesiac felt the urge to use the piano to jog his memory. Curiously, Nat had taken to doing the same.

Slowly, the music lulled Nat into sleep. She drifted into her dreams and there she was met with vague scenes of her sparring, dancing and killing. They were all familiar scenes but they now, surprising, included the twinkle of kind eyes, he timbre of smooth words, the warmth of a loving hand and the shine of a metal arm.

Natasha woke up the next day with revelations rattling in her head. Incomplete revelations. Enough to speculate upon but not enough to base a course of action.

Days pass and the quiet of the ‘forgotten’ issue dissipates. How could she be so foolish to think that this issue had gone? Wanda had given her space. Her team gave her distractions. But now that she had confirmation of Barnes’ connection to her, things became more obvious. Had Bucky really been stealing glances at her this whole time and she’d never noticed? Nothing gets past her. Though maybe, it takes an assassin to pull one over on a spy.


	3. Chapter 3

For a time, Natasha had kept quiet on the issue. Wanda kept her distance, seeming to feel her distress. Nat is held in anticipation waiting for Barnes to make his intentions, or at least the extent of his intel, known. But it was all just keeping her in suspense. She couldn’t just wait for her world to come crashing down around her because of something this charmer said.

"Steve?"

"Ow, hey Nat."

She catches Steve cooking what looked to be a hearty meal. It was late in the afternoon but she supposes that super soldier metabolisms just doesn't quit.

"Look, I don’t mean to pry but are you sure Barnes is okay?"

"Has he said something?" he ask as he puts down the spatula and turns of the burner as if in anticipation for a serious conversation.

"No. I just…What did you mean by sad memories, when I asked about Bucky the morning we moved back in here?"

"Why do you ask?"

"He’s just, been acting strange around me since then. I mean I know we’re not close but...

"Oh."

"Oh?"

Steve tries to hide any sign of concern on his face but Nat catches him at it.

"It’s nothing really. He remembered someone he umm… had a thing with. A young Russian lady. You probably just remind him of her. But apparently the memory was from ages ago, so it shouldn’t be a big deal."

"Right."

Natasha didn't seem all that assured by his statement.

"I can talk to him." Steve offered.

"No don’t. It’s fine."

"If you’re sure." The share a courteous smile and Natasha walks away.

Her thoughts turn back to her dreams. They seemed like memories, familiar but with the addition of  a man with a shiny metal arm..

* * *

 

 

_“Romanova. Durova.”_

_The two young girls stepped out of formation and stood face to face in their fighting stances._

_Romanova. That’s what they always call her. She could count the times she’s been called her first name in all the four years she’s been in this “school”, with her fingers. She wouldn’t even need her toes. And those few times are all that’s keeping her from forgetting Natalia Alianovna completely and that name is all she has left, all that she remembers from her life before the Red Room._

_“Nachat!” Begin._

_They grab at each other. They punch and they kick. Romanova is gaining the upper hand but she is then distracted by a flash of light. She is on the floor. The two girls roll about. Romanova struggles to regain her advantage. Durova lifts her little fist to knock her out but Romanova hits her in the stomach. Durova crumples up and falls onto her back beside Romanova. Romanova mounts her midsection and lifts her fist to land the finishing blow…_

_“Enough. Back in line, both of you.” Says Madame B._

_Despite protocol that in formation the girls must look directly ahead unless told otherwise, Romanova couldn’t resist but peek at the three men that entered the room standing to the side of their formation. She discovers that the light that distracted her came from the shiny metal hand peeking out of the sleeve of one of the men._

_The man with the metal hand smirks at her and Romanova quickly looks away._

_“She’s a feisty little thing.” He says and he gets a punch for his troubles from the man to his right. His handler perhaps._

_“Now now, it’s fine. Let him speak. That’s what he’s here for. We built the perfect soldier and now he’s here to help us make more.” Madame looks to the tall man with the shiny hand expectantly._

_After a cautious pause, the man speaks. “I’m to help you make more of me out of little girls?”_

_“They won’t stay little forever. You were little once too, as unthinkable as it is being the specimen you are now.”_

_Madame placed some files on the man’s metal hand and said “There are 28 of them. Ask them questions. Have them fight. Eliminate as many as you’d like. The less of them there are, the closer we get to our Black Widow.” then she left the room, leaving only the man and his two handlers with the girls._

_“Let’s begin with a roll call.”_

_He called the girls one by one with his deep, terrifying voice. But then the façade breaks briefly. He chuckles before saying “Ah, the naughty one. Romanova, Natalia Alianovna. Feisty little Talia.”_

_One of Romanova’s fingers twitches as if to count being called 'Natalia' as her toe does for 'little Talia'._

* * *

_There are only five of them now. Five young women. The rest in their class are either dead or on their way to death, starving and cold somewhere. They used to get rid of the incompetent ones by just leaving them in the middle of a forest, a crowded city, or where ever was convenient at the time. No pesky bodies to clean up. The girls would have no idea how to get back “home”. It’s safe to assume they either died where they were left or got picked up by dubious folk, no longer the problem of the Red Room._

_Recently, failures were killed. Despite their short comings, they’ve become too smart, too aware to be left to roam the earth with the knowledge of what goes on in the Red Room intact. Sometimes they’d suffer some unknown horror at the hands of the resident doctors before they died. Other times, their sparring and training regiments just got to be too much for them. For Romanova, things were just about to get worse before they get better. At least, that’s what she assumes._

_The title of Black Widow is almost in reach but many tests still lay ahead. In her youth, despite the grand talk of serving one’s country, of heroism and excellence, the title meant nothing to her. A wiser Romanova now knew that to her, Black Widow meant survival. And from now on, survival will be taught to them by the Winter Soldier. Apart from their regular training, a few hour every other day, they train one-on-one with the Soldier himself._

_They’ve only ever seen him briefly on his periodic evaluations of those in the program. Before now he seemed like a mythological creature come to life. Despite their limited knowledge of him, many feared him. The girls used to fabricate stories of his exploits from the little they heard around the facility, to scare each other. They say he once killed 20 men with one bullet, choked a man with the strength of his metal pinky and wrestled a bear in just his skin._

_It turns out despite truly being a fierce warrior, he was as much as slave of the Red Room as the rest of them. The punch he received the day she met him was something of a regular occurrence whether he misbehaved of not. But despite it all, the mischievous nature Romanova saw in him that first day seemed to have remained if not a little tired._

_In front of his masters, he was stoic, disciplined and obedient. Alone with her, he smiled. Though smiling never made his punches any easier to take. He was a brutal trainer and opponent but a kind couch. After beating her into a pulp, he tended her wounds as best he could, knowing that the doctors would simply say the bruises would later make her tougher. After shouting and nagging her on technique and form, he’d whisper words of encouragement and comfort. And before either one of them was dragged away from their training room, he’d sneak her that parting gift of a smile._

* * *

 

_He plays the piano. It seemed absurd to think him capable of doing something so delicate. Though it must be one of the few instruments he’d ever be able to play as his metal fingers limits him, particularly with string instruments. Pressing on keys seemed simple enough but watching his precision, speed and… feeling when he played, proved to Romanova that there was more to it than that. She was convinced he was something of a genius at it. But then again, what would she know of genius?_

_Based on the stories of the Winter Soldier, he was an assassin. A sniper. A crack shot. It never occurred to Romanova that his hand-to-hand often came into play when doing reconnaissance and infiltration. He so rarely got such assignments it seemed but now that he was training three young agents, they went on such missions in pairs._

_Romanova and the Soldier were at a gala. The mission was simple enough. The Soldier with his fake, posh-sounding name would pose as an obscure but distinguished concert pianist. All these society types, despite never having heard of him, trying to prove they’re more cultured that the others, swear they are his most loyal followers._

_As the Soldier distracts the crowd, Romanova is to lure an old bureaucrat to a corner with her ‘feminine wiles’. She is to kill him, take his credentials and make sure his body isn’t found until morning. She accomplishes all that but almost gets caught by the old man’s personal guard. He would also be found tomorrow with his neck snapped after the Soldier had attacked him from behind. He appeared just in the nick of time, before the guard could raise an alarm or harm his little protégé._

* * *

 

_Ballet was a cover. They were trained well enough since childhood to pass for dance students. Being a ballet dancer carried both a fair bit of prestige as well as a strange amount of anonymity which was useful considering the kind of people their marks often were. It just so happens that her new assignment involved being part of a production and the stakes were suddenly higher._

_They both, separately approached and convinced Madame B that keeping up her cover was paramount in this mission. She began to practice dancing daily. And when regular rehearsals began for the show, she was surprised to find that their practice pianist was the Soldier._

_“I had reconsidered. You’re not ready for a solo mission.” Said the Soldier when she asked about his surprise appearance._

_His explanation seemed flimsy but she can’t deny that weeks upon weeks of dancing to his music was slightly better than doing drills to the sound of his nagging._

_For weeks they acted the part of a young dancer and a pianist who were slowly falling for each other. Their strolls and coffee dates disguised what little training they could cram in to her schedule. But on occasion they really just went on strolls and go to coffee shops. They convinced themselves it was all for the mission and for her training. But maybe it was more than that. Maybe sparring was their ‘strolls and coffee dates’ and their strolls and coffee dates were their 'lazy afternoons'._

* * *

 

_Natalia was she trying to perform the first choreography she ever learned, while slightly tipsy from the free champagne. They had snuck away from the after party to discuss the mission. Tomorrow, the company would find that one of their dancers had disappeared along with their pianist. They would probably suspect an elopement. In other news, one of their patrons had apparently had a heart attack after the performance._

_But instead of discussing all this they brought with them another bottle of champagne and broke into the theater. 'Natalia Burkova' was currently doing a demonstration for 'Maestro Zima'._

_“Wait, I remember this...and then pirouette..." Natalia squeaked as she stumbled, only to be caught in Zima's arms._

_He cradled her in his arms for a moment, swaying to an imaginary tune. They stared into each other's eyes and the next thing Natalia knew, she was being spun. They dance, they glide over the stage. He surprises her with lifts and she giggles on her way down. She spins into him and then he just holds her there. Her back was leaning on his chest that thumped with his racing heartbeat. She realizes that he's been humming the whole time and they continue to sway to the sound of his voice._

_Natalia closes her eyes and lays her head back on his shoulder._

_“I didn’t know you could dance too.”_

_“Neither did I.” he whispers, his warm breath on her ear._

_“We should go. Madame B will want a full mission report in the morning.” says the Soldier as he himself savored the warmth of the woman in his arms._

_After a moment of silence, Natalia asks “Who were you before the Red Room?”_

_“I was nobody.”_

_“I know they ask you to give up your life, your name. But surely you can tell me…”_

_And then the trance was broken. He lets her go and backs away from her._

_“No I can’t...because I don’t know.”_

_“So you’re like me. You started young.”_

_“I don’t think so. My earliest memories have me in a gurney as grown man."_

_He frowns as if struggling to remember._

_He grabs his jacket and the champagne bottle from the floor. Before walking off he says in a sad, pleading voice "Please never ask about my past again.”_


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey, Buck?” Steve’s voice sound off in Bucky’s room.

“Over here.” Bucky calls him from the floor next to his bed.

Bucky sat on the floor with his legs apart, pieces of his weapons lay between them. “Just cleaning up my gear. What’s up?”

Steve shoves his hands in his pockets out of nervousness.

“Well, I was wondering how the memories are coming along.”

Bucky looks back down at the barrel he was wiping down before saying “Sparse.”

After an awkward pause, Steve says “I still find that strange.”

“What?”

“The way you talk. Sometimes you talk just like the way I remember and other times you’re… You know you used to be bit of a chatterbox back in the day.” Says Steve with an awkward smile.

Bucky doesn’t respond verbally but settles on an apologetic smile back.

Steve raises his hand as if to stop Bucky’s self-effacing train of thought. “No. Sorry. That’s not what I came here to talk about.”

“You came to talk about my memories. I’m getting them back. It’s a slow process but it’s moving along. I’m functioning with what I have.” Bucky tries to reassure him.

“Good.” Says Steve but he still looked troubled.

“What is it, Stevie?” Asks Bucky with a smile and a nickname meant to comfort.

Steve crouches on the floor in front of him.

“That girl you spoke of…I get it…kind off.”

Bucky is taken aback and loses his smile.

“What’s this really about, Steve?”

“I know my mind didn’t get tinkered with but I know what it’s like to lose someone to time. Peggy…I know she had a good life after me. I know her illness had taken her almost completely by the time I got here. But it was still awful seeing her fade away. Time is a brutal adversary. To lose someone after feeling like you had all the time in the world and have it all snatched away from you, without even getting a chance to fight it…”

 “I didn’t feel like we had all the time in the world! Every minute with her was a luxury. Time isn’t my adversary. It was those doctors that took her from me!” Bucky interrupts him more fiercely than he intended to.

“Buck…”

“Sorry.” He takes a deep breath to calm himself. “I didn’t mean…I understand what you’re saying, I know your trying to help, and there may be some parallels in our experience. But I wasn’t always frozen and unlike Peggy she didn’t get to have that ‘good life’. They hurt her and I was helpless to do anything about it.”

“That’s not on you.”

“Why are we even talking about this?” asks Bucky, with slight tremble in his voice.

“I’m sorry if I was being presumptuous. This really isn’t going well. That wasn’t what I wanted to say.”

“What were you trying to say? Cause if you’re worried about me, I’m fine with it as long as we don’t talk about it. We can talk about just about anything but not this. That might be ‘unhealthy’ by today’s standard but I’m dealing with it. It sucks and I hate them but it’s in the past. I’m dealing with it.” Bucky insists.

Steve takes a moment to consider how to proceed.

“I was trying and failing to comfort you before saying you should try not to redirect your feelings for this woman onto Nat.”

Steve felt he needed to say it but that didn’t make him feel any better looking at Bucky’s shock.

“What?”

Steve couldn’t tell if his best friend was offended or just confused.

“I don’t mean to be harsh but she’s my friend too. I just don’t want this to become something just because you’re pining over someone else. You’ll both get hurt.”

Bucky scoffs, not knowing if he should laugh or be offended. Steve didn’t know what was going on and he couldn’t really tell him anything at the moment so he settles for the most neutral tone of voice he can muster.

 “I’m not redirecting anything.”

 “It’s just she might feel uncomfortable with this.”

“‘This’ being what exactly? Has she said anything?”

Bucky’s tone turns concerned and the possibility of Romanoff having told Steve something before he had.

“Well, she just said you seemed sad and you acted strange around her.”

So, nothing explicitly telling. Bucky supposes he can always count on Natalia when it comes to secrets and timing.

“Romanoff may remind me of her, but I’m not pursuing anything.” He reassures Steve.

“Right. Good to know. Sorry. This conversation got so weird.”

They both chuckle in relief.

“Yeah, you’re pretty shit at this.”

“Jerk.”

“Punk.”

Bucky smiles contently, having regained a sense of normalcy or at least, a sense of belonging here with Steve.

“But seriously, you’re okay?” Steve puts a soothing hand on his shoulder.

“Mostly.” He replies honestly.

“Okay. Hey, it’s my turn to make dinner, have any requests?” Steve asks as he leaves the room.

“Nope. Just make whatever. It’ll be great.”

 

* * *

 

Natasha may not be comfortable with just waiting around, but she didn’t want to pull the first block from the tower either. So she avoided being in Barnes’ company as much as possible without being obvious. He’d still become a vital part of the team. She can’t escape him on missions and she certainly couldn’t walk out of the gym with other people there, just because he walked in. But she wasn’t going to walk in if he got there first and he was alone. But then it happened…

“Are you avoiding me, Talia?”

Jenga!

She’d turned to walk away from the gym the moment she saw him inside at the speedbag but he noticed her. And that question was a challenge she wasn’t backing down from. She slowly turned to look at him and was slower still at her approach.

“Hell of a question coming from the class loner. I half expected you to badger me about this daily. But you never came. Why is that?”

He curled his finger summoning her closer.

“Because you didn’t.” He replied, his face neutral as he settled on a fighting stance.

“Well I wasn’t going to interrogate an amnesiac about his past, was I?” Nat threw the first punch which Bucky blocks. “I am curious as to why you didn’t say anything to Steve though. You remembered me that first night with the piano. Steve said you talked but he hasn’t questioned me about your memories. I had to approach him myself.”

They continue blocking and throwing punches as if they were only having casual conversation while sparring. But for a moment, Bucky does flinch at what her statement implies.

“How do you know my memories have anything to do with you?” He asks defensively.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me!” He punches her in the stomach.

Nat was winded but regained her composure quickly.

“My former roomie’s kinda psychic. Don’t flatter yourself. Wanda’s had a go at most of us. She didn’t do it intentionally with you. It’s not her fault your memories are so loud.” she shrouds her reassurance with a flippant tone of voice and a punch to his side. “So, why didn’t you tell Steve?”

“What did you tell him?”

“I didn’t tell Steve anything. I was just being nice.”

“Pretending to be nice.”

“Why. Didn’t you. Tell. Steve?” she repeats he question, punctuating her word with punches.

Bucky holds both her wrists firmly between them, just below his face, stopping her from advancing.

“Well, apart from not having a moment alone to actually discuss this in private with you, the woman I knew would have kept this close to her chest. I guess you’re not that different from her after all. Why didn’t YOU tell Steve, especially when I was in the wind and he was looking for just about any sliver of information on me?”

“I gave him information but despite what you assume, I don’t actually know everything.”

She tries to knee him in the groin but he blocks her with his hands, which opens him up for a punch to the face. He answers by tackling her onto the rubber mats below them. He holds her down with his weight, and his hands on her wrists above her head.

“Who do you think I am?”

“James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th. The Winter Soldier.” She says with mock awe.

“What more than that?” He asks forcefully.

“You trained me. I remember you beating me into a pulp.”

“I was preparing you. I knew in the future that you’d be facing worse. I beat you until you were able to dodge just about every blow or return it with triple the ferocity. I turned a child into a weapon. I’m not exactly proud of it but you did last longer than your peers because of me.”

“Thanks for that.” She says sarcastically.

He lets her wrists go and pushes himself up off of her, leaving her on the floor to look up at him.

“That’s all you know?”

Nat is surprised, detecting a hint of grief in his voice.

“Is there anything else I should know?” she asks as she slowly gets back on her feet.

He scoffs and says “Then I suppose we’re done here.”

He abruptly turns away and he is out of the gym in no time.

“Hey! That was a legit question.”

She knew she could chase him but what would be the point? She wasn’t getting anything out of a reluctant ‘Winter Soldier’ without getting the attention of her fellow Avengers, now that he’d probably walked off to the safety of the occupied common room.

“Goddammit!”

 

* * *

 

Natasha was having another dream. In her dreams she was shorter than she is now. The angle she tips her head back to look up at him is steeper than normal. She wasn’t the child she was when they first met but she was still a helpless little thing compared to what she is now.

_They were dancing again…or were they sparing? It seems in the later years of her training with the Winter Soldier, their regimen consisted less of lessons and more of just sparring. She’d learned enough from him and now training was just practice, conditioning and strengthening for her. He still dealt some pretty heavy blows but she’d gained the ability to withstand most of them. Sometimes though, there were still new things he’d surprise her with. He was always evolving as a fighter just as she was. She still hasn’t caught up to him though. She doubts she ever will but he always assures her._

_“I’d give you all of me if I could.” He whispers in her ear._

_No. That’s not right._

_“I’ll teach you all that I know.” He whispers again as if to correct himself._

_That’s more like it._

_She thinks she’ll end up with black and blue spots all over her tomorrow. But she’s proud to say, so will he. But despite how strange it is to smile when getting pummeled, they both do it. Natasha always feels safe in the Soldier’s company. She couldn’t quite put her finger on how the Soldier feels but he is giving her one of his rare wide grins, the kind that makes his eyes squint and his nose wrinkle. He could be happy, proud, enjoying himself…How else should he feel when his protégé can put up such a fight?_

_However, they’re not so brutal with each other when people aren’t looking. They keep the pretense for when people pass by their training room and look through the windows. But after training, he apologizes, offers to treat her bruises, teaches her how to treat them herself and supplies her with food and drink. He pushes her hair behind her ear and caresses her bruised cheek and looks at her apologetically._

Natasha wakes up seething. She remembers her training. She vaguely remembers the Winter Soldier among her trainers but she can’t remember taking note of that fact before. She doesn’t remember any of her trainers being so affectionate with her. She doesn’t remember recognizing him as anything other than an enemy assassin when they fought a few years ago. She didn’t remember any of these things until Bucky Barnes played that damn piano.

They took her memories of him. She doesn’t understand how they took them yet have her retain her training. Handpicked memories. But they must have missed some because now, she remembers their first meeting, him training her, the ballet, watching him sleep, seeing him roll the sleeves of his crisp white shirt, and swiping his long hair out of his eyes to tie them at his nape. It’s only a matter of time before she can put together the pieces on her own but she can’t just wait.

She got up from bed in just her panties and an old SHIELD shirt. She marched into his room with steely determination but stayed quiet, staring at Bucky on the bed, who’d been awake despite the late hour.

They stared at each other for a moment then Bucky reached for a panel on the wall by his bed and turned off his connection to the intercom; making sure whoever was listening in for any of his episodes wouldn’t hear their imminent conversation.

“What were you to me?” she finally asked.

She stands at the foot of his bed, tense and angry.

“I trained you.” He said calmly.

“What more than that?” she demanded.

“The information is irrelevant.”

“How could it be? When you keep slipping up calling me Talia?”

Bucky threw reason out the window, got up from bed, faced her and said “Because it was an awful time in both our lives. I’d rather not relive it!”

“It wasn’t all awful though, was it? I see the way you look at me.”

Bucky tried acting dismissive to dissuade her from this train of thought.

“It wasn’t some tragic romance, Talia, it was a fling. Something to do. We’ve both lived long lives, what’s another warm body in the list of the many we’ve taken to bed?”

“Why are you speaking like this?”

“Like what?”

“Like it meant nothing.”

“Because it doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means something to me!”

“Talia, you don’t even remember! There’s no point...”

“I highly doubt that, since very specific details pertaining to you are missing from my memories. What made you so important they had to purge me of my memories of you?”

Bucky closes his eyes. He decides that only cruelty could possibly have a chance at shutting this issue down. He braces himself for what he’s about to say.

“Tell me. When were you born? The eighties? Just another Russian operative that rose through the ranks and became the NEW Black Widow? And then you defected? When was that?"

Natalia unconsciously takes a step back.

"You have a life here. Do you really want to explain to your team how you came to be this way? Just who you are and how long you’ve lived? How old? How strong?” He asks in the most threatening voice he could muster for her.

But then an alarm goes off, interrupting their confrontation.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. It took a while but we're finally here. Warning: chapter is mildly sexual...mildly?

They look at each other, considering their situation.

Bucky grabs some sweatpants that had been left on the floor from sometime this afternoon. He throws it at her to wear and grabs a shirt for himself.

They rush to the common room to find out what caused the alarm. The Avengers file in one by one, finding Tony at a table monitor.

“This better not be another false alarm, Stark. That’s the third one this week.” says a sleepy Sam with his arms crossed.

“There’s been another break in at an old top secret KGB base.” Says Tony.

“You think they’re connected to the other raids? I thought Coulson’s people are dealing with those.” asks Clint.

“Report.” asks Steve.

“Friday.” Says Tony, calling the AI to take over.

“Three operatives were caught at the scene. Seems the base wasn’t so inactive after all. The base was heavily booby-trapped and armed to the teeth. Authorities responded to alarms. Official statement…”

“or rather bullshit.” Says Tony.

“…is that the base was converted and has been operating as an archive since the 1970s.”

Steve’s eye brows are furrowed, taking in the information but also taking account of Bucky. No one else seemed to notice that Bucky and Nat came from the same direction, Bucky’s room. Which was strange since Nat’s room is nowhere near Bucky’s and he didn’t hear Nat enter Bucky’s room through the intercom. He also notes that Nat’s sweatpants seem rather large for her.

“What did the goons want?” asks Bucky.

“No clue. The three that were caught had apparently been to the dentist and got cyanide tooth implants. So, bye bye leads.” Tony replies.

“Could be HYDRA.” Bucky speculates.

 “But it was a false alarm. They seem to be keeping a lid on any more info and the captives are dead. What else can we do?” asks Clint.

“Yeah sorry, Friday needs more data on what ‘urgent’ actually means for us. I’ve set her up to bring any data forward that carries any issues of interest; HYDRA, aliens, enhanced people….It’s all news feed and algorithms. But she needs data. Every false alarms’ a learning experience.” Tony explains with an apologetic smile.

“There’ll be more of these?” asks an exasperated Sam.

“She’s getting used to us.” Bruce supplies.

“Alright everyone, back to your beauty sleep.” says Natasha as she proceeds to walk back to her room.

Steve follows her with his eyes. He then turns to look at Bucky, catching his friend look at Nat for a moment before walking back to his own room. He shakes the confusion off, knowing it’s too late for a confrontation and walks back to his room. But someone else follows Nat to her room.

* * *

 

Sensing the presence behind her, Nat turns to look towards her door.

“Wanda.” She greets the younger woman.

“Nat.” says greets as she closes the door behind her.

“What are you doing here?”

“I thought…I saw that maybe you’re ready for some help now.” Asks Wanda with a bit of hesitation.

Nat chuckles with little humor.

“You saw that?” Nat asks as she points at a random direction as if it were the source of her tension.

“It didn’t require any help from my powers. You came from his room with his clothes on but neither of you seemed happy about it.” Says Wanda with a sympathetic smile.

“Well, you’re quick.” Nat commends her before expounding. “I came to confront him. I got mad in just my panties. Stupid move. Now, he doesn’t seem like he wants to give me any answers.”

After a moment of consideration, Wanda asks “What were your questions?” Her own question sounding more like an offer.

“You don’t have to help me. I know I’ve been pushing you away lately.”

“You’re not in the best place right now but you’ve been very helpful to me in the past. And we’re a team. You’ve become like my mentor here. How can I not help?” Wanda offers along with a smile.

“Mentor? Compared to you I’m ordinary.” Says Natasha with a hint of astonishment.

“You may not be able to help with the ‘magic’ but you’ve taught me a lot about the ‘business.’ And I don’t think you’re as ordinary as you portray, whether you hide it intentionally or because you just don’t know what makes you so special.”

Nat considers her offer as well as her compliments, coming to a decision in seconds.

“Fine. You wanna help. Help.”

“What do you need?”

“I need my memories back.”

 

* * *

 

_It happened after a mission. Neither of them expected it. He seemed to be dreading briefing her for the mission and then he said it. She was to gain this man’s trust, find her way to his hotel room and acquire the documents they were looking for by any means necessary short of killing the man. The Soldier had tried to be delicate with her for once, but the look on his face made clear what was required of her._

_She got back to their cheap hotel room carrying a thick file, hair a mess and her skin feeling filthy. She places the file on a small rickety table and calmly removes her gown and the pins in her hair. She stands still on the middle of the room in only her under things. The Soldier looks at her sensing her distress but stays silent waiting for her to speak._

_She snaps out of her trance, runs into his arms, pulling him into a kiss._

_Tears stream down her face. She never thought something so simple and physical could shake her so deeply. But she was not shaken for the loss of her so called ‘virginity’; physically there’s no such thing. Her body is a machine she’d long been thoroughly acquainted with out of necessity. Her innocence? There seemed to be nothing left to take. She wasn’t sad or afraid. She felt violated, yes but most of all, she felt angry._

_Their lips parted. The Soldier looks at her with worry. She takes a moment to seethe. She feels like she’d been robbed._

_“It should have been you. You should have been the first.” She says._

_The Winter Soldier was not shocked by her confession. He knew how she felt and how he felt. And though he had his reservations in pursuing this, for the moment, anything was better than her distress. He’ll leave the guilt for later._

_He held her tight and said “I am the first.” His voice adamant in convincing her of this fantasy. “It happened after a successful mission. In the heat of the moment, an impulsive celebratory kiss turned into something more. You have never been touched by anyone in that way before me.”_

_They look into each other’s eyes. Romanova trying to decipher, to confirm his meaning. The Soldier gave a small comforting smile while in his mind he is kicking himself for being too cowardly to fulfill their mutual fantasy before this mission was even planned. He can’t help but think that being the slaves that they are, this mission could not have been prevented but her distress could have been._

_Slowly, they undressed each other. He takes a washcloth from their shared suitcase, takes her hand and guides her into the tiny bathroom. He turns the knobs, letting the water run until he’s satisfied with the temperature. He guides her into the stall and proceeds to gently clean off any trace of any other man on her skin. He kissed every surface the washcloth passed over. He rubbed down every kink in her muscles and combed through her hair with his fingers._

_He then held her close with his metal arm and reached down between her legs with his free hand. His wet, warm fingers entered her, moving within her to remove any essence of her mark. He took his time and soon he had her gasping for breath. Her moans grew louder. They both closed their eyes, savoring the moment, as she came apart in his arms._

_Natalia’s knees buckled but in what seemed like a split second, the Soldier was carrying her out of the bathroom over to their tiny bed._

_He was gentle with her at first, having imagined the kind of horror she could have endured barely an hour ago. But maybe it was also to indulge a kind of romance he never imagined he could ever give her or ever want for himself. But soon enough, his hunger for her and her own pleas for more of him, turned them rough. They indulged in each other until cool blue light streamed through the blinds and it became clear they would not be getting any sleep._

_That morning they packed their gear in silence and moved out. Back to reality._

* * *

_They were in a locked training room whisper-shouting at each other._

_“This isn’t right. I knew you as a child. You were only 12 years old.” Said the Soldier._

_“You SAW me as a child. You didn’t swaddled me. And that’s just an excuse, I’m not 12 anymore.” Natalia argued._

_“Yes. You’re like…sixteen. That’s not much better.”_

_“I’m pretty sure it’s been more than four years since you first met me, I just look young and you have a skewed perception of time. Though my mark obviously didn’t think I looked that young, or he did and he’s just a dirtbag.” Says Natalia._

_“How is he a dirtbag and I’m not?”_

_“Because you treat me better.” she suggests._

_She is now both annoyed and confused by the Soldier’s apprehension._

_“Beating you to a pulp is ‘treating you better’? And by the way, I’m pretty sure you’re still not of age.”_

_“Well then that makes one of us. Besides, young women fall for older men all the time. Boys my age haven’t caught up. Not that there are plenty of boys my age hanging around here. Why should it matter in here anyway?”_

_“You can’t fall for me. And maybe the age wouldn’t matter in here but the fact that it’s me and you…Our punishment would be so much worse. And I do mean ‘our punishment’. I can’t be with you with the possibility of you getting hurt hanging over my head.” The Soldier’s voice turns pleading._

_Natalia musters up a smile to comfort him. “Nothing is going to happen as long as they don’t find out.”_

_“Don’t be naïve. They always find out. The Kremlin has eyes everywhere. Talia, this might be just a bit of fun for you, some adventure or taste of rebellion you need to get out of your system while you’re young. But this isn’t that for me. I won’t be able to bare it if you get hurt.”_

_“You’re wrong. This isn’t that for me either. I may be young but this isn’t that. I may be young but it seems I understand better than you that there will always be pain. You can’t always protect me but you’ve trained me as best you could. And that has to be enough because I’d rather suffer the consequences than wait for a better time to be with you. That time may never come. I want to make the most of now.”_

* * *

 

Bucky lay in his bed looking at the ceiling. He was glad that the intercom was turned off during his confrontation last night with Nat, and that Steve didn’t notice. He was especially glad that no one turned it on in his sleep or it would be a very awkward morning if Steve had heard anything from his end. He was usually a quiet sleeper. He’s usually a quiet everything considering being one of the best assassins in the world. But despite having no evidence to support the contrary, he doubted he had stayed quiet in his sleep considering his dreams.

He’d dreamt of this before, being with a fiery, beautiful, red-haired, young woman with a Russian accent she’d now lost. He’d dreamt of holding her close before, kissing her, making love to her, and of those words that broke his heart to this day. “You should have been the first.”

Those words didn’t matter as much to her as it did to him, it seemed. Even when she had her memories, she always pushed on. She was happy to have him anyway she could and didn't seem bothered that he was not in fact the first. She was always the stronger of the two them even though she never believed it.

Sex wasn’t something romantic or sacred in their world. ‘First times’ seemed silly and hers was never going to be candlelit with roses and music. Neither of them considered such things but those words still cut. Him being the first was her only criterion and he’d failed her still.

* * *

 

While Bucky moped in his bed, Natasha was already getting out of her room only to be met by a very upset Steve Rogers standing in the corridor.

“Morning, Steve.”

“You’re still wearing them.” Said Steve with his arms crossed.

Nat looks down at herself and sighs at her appearance.

“It’s not what you think.”

Steve disregards her remarks and goes straight to berating her.

“He’s recovering.”

“I know.”

“He doesn’t need any complications right now.”

“I understand that.”

“He doesn’t need any more mind games in his life right now.”

“This isn’t what this is!”

Natasha’s offended tone makes Steve recoil. He knew his concern for Bucky made him lose his sense sometimes. He knew Nat didn’t deserve his last statement but he still needed answers.

“Then what is it?”

Natasha takes a moment to compose her thoughts.

“Nothing happened last night. We were just talking. I was in my…slightly skimpy PJs. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time but then the alarm went off. We realized how it would look. Our solution didn’t really seem to help the situation with you noticing but it’s the first thing that came into his head. He threw me some pants and I put them on. That’s it.”

“What were you talking about?”

“I think that you should ask him that.”

“I’m asking you.” Steve asks in a less demanding and more pleading tone.

“Well, it’s private and he’s your best friend. He should be the one to decide just how much he wants you know about him. And surprisingly the amnesiac knows more about this than me. Which has led me to questioning my own mind recently. So, I’d appreciate if you let me pass and get my morning coffee before this morning get any better.”

* * *

 

“Did you see any of it?” asked Nat.

She sat on Wanda’s bed next to the girl with a mug of coffee in her hands. She’d decided to avoid the men in her life for the moment. She though last night’s excitement was enough for a while.

“No. You did say I shouldn’t look into people’s heads. I put you in a sort of trance, the rest was up to you. I stayed for a while to make sure you were alright, then when you seemed…content, I left you to it.”

Natasha scoffed. “You left because of sex noises didn’t you?”

“You just seemed to be enjoying yourself so I didn’t think you needed much looking after anymore.” Wanda said defensively.

“It’s fine. This is awkward for me to. Thank you.” Said Natasha with a smile.

“I guess there’s no doubt about what kind of past you two share anymore is there?”

“No. But I’ve still got questions.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Adulting tends to get in the way of what's really important.

“You’re leaving?” asks Wanda as she runs around following Nat as she packs a bag.

It’s been three days and despite some restored memories and the close proximity, all the progress Natasha’s had in piecing together her past is Steve’s wary looks and Bucky’s pining ones.

“I need time. Being around Barnes is a lot and now I’m even getting heat from Cap.” Says Nat as she shoves clothes into a rucksack.

“He’s just concerned.” Says Wanda.

Nat smiles and says “I know. And I’m just using up my sick days for a little…self-reflection.”

Nat awkwardly puts a comforting hand on Wanda’s shoulder. “However tough Steve tries to be, his concern always sneaks in and it’s not just for Bucky. I know he means well. He wants to take care of everyone and every little thing. I’d just rather process this away from his hovering.”

Wanda looks down at her feet and says “I’m just sorry if I’ve made things worse by interfering. Maybe it was better that you didn’t know. People say ‘love finds a way’ and maybe you and Bucky can, even without the memories.”

Nat tries to conceal her amusement. It’s strange seeing this side of Wanda, not one who is all sad smiles, regret and fear of her own powers, but someone who actually  thinks the end goal of all this is ‘happily ever after’.

“That’s awfully romantic of you. But for better or worse, I asked for this. You did nothing wrong.”

Wanda huffs and tries to make light of the suddenly heavy atmosphere.

“Well, you could definitely use the rest too…I mean you look great but you could look better. Having trouble sleeping?”

Only to realize her question slipped them back into the heaviness.

“What I saw that night…I’m getting memories even when I’m awake. It’s not all that varied, most of them just repeat but they just keep popping up in my head, calling my attention. It can be a bit distracting.” Natasha explains.

“I should come with you.” Says Wanda, looking apologetic once more.

“No. I’ll be fine. Just hold the fort while I’m away. Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

* * *

 

“Hey Nat!” Clint greets her as she enters the house.

“Hey Clint. How’s Laura and the kids?”

“Good. Kids are watching TV. Laura’s making dinner.  Let me take that.” He says as he takes Natasha’s bag to take up the stairs for her.

“So?” Clint asks in a teasing manner as he drops the rucksack by the foot of Nat’s bed.

She shakes her head says “I knew there was a price for you carrying my bag. What?”

“You’ve really taken Wanda under your wing.” Says Clint with a wide grin.

“Well, us girls need to stick together. There’s too much testosterone on this damn team.” Natasha says jokingly.

“Never saw you as the ‘girl power’ type, Nat.”

“Well, you retired…Again. Someone’s got to look after that kid. She may have crazy abilities but she’s still a teenager.” Nat says defensively.

“She’s not a teenager.” Says Clint, not at all trying to hide his amusement at her expense.

“Not complaining though, you should have retired long before baby number three.” Says Natasha, trying to shift the focus from herself.

But Clint doesn’t beat around the bush.

“So, why are you really here?” he ask.

“Just needed some time away.”

Natasha says the words with practiced ease, having actually practiced it in the quinjet, on the way over.

“And Wanda?” Clint asks.

“She’s not who I need time away from.” She reassures him then mumbles “She’s actually helping.”

There is a pause but Clint just couldn’t resist.

“With what?”

Natasha looks him in the eyes and sighs, forming the words carefully in her head. Clint is one of the oldest of her few, true friends. But she still hesitates telling him something so personal. Which is understandable when she can hardly admit such things to herself. She knows in her head that she’s safe with Clint but it’s hard to convince the rest of her of that fact.

Wanda is different. Outside of her helping with her memories, the relationship is still at its infancy. But she could talk to her because her actual help seems so clinical, it’s like she got herself a therapist with super powers.

“There were always things about my past that will always be a mystery to me.” She starts, pushing past her hesitations. “I accepted that a long time ago. But now, some things from way back seems to have become relevant and surprisingly within reach. Wanda’s helping me dig them out.”

“This have anything to do with Bucky?” Clint asks.

Natasha looks at him surprised but also slightly impressed.

“What? We hang out.” Clint says vaguely.

“You have nothing in common.” She says.

“We’re two men that are really good at shooting at stuff and feel at home at high vantage points. Lifelong friends have started with less. It’s like taking the same class with someone in high school. It’s not like I’m trying to beat Cap in the best friend department.” He elaborates.

“Did he say anything?” Nat asks with a bit of hesitation.

“Hey! You’re still my bestie. If he did, you’d know.” Says Clint in a strangely serious tone.

“Don’t call me bestie.” Nat mumbles as Clint continues with his explanation.

“But hang out with a guy at a shooting range often enough, with a certain redhead walking by from time to time, you notice things.”

“When did you get so perceptive?” Nat asks jokingly.

“Well, I have been trying since the whole thing with Banner just flew over my head.”

“Yeah, you had a bit of a blond moment there.” Nat continues to tease.

“Shut up, you ginge!” He shouts in mock offence.

“I thought you American’s liked redheads.”

Clint matches her teasing.

“Well, I’m pretty sure we both know a couple of Americans who’re really into them.”

“Shut up.” 

* * *

 

It was a quiet evening back at the Tower with only a soft tune floating about the place. Everyone was either settled in for the night, out on a minor mission or doing some late night errands. That was except for two people.

“That’s lovely.” Says Wanda having just entered the common room.

“Thanks.” Bucky mumbles as he continues to play the piano.

Wanda can see the wheels turning in his head even from afar and without the use of her powers. She can see the sadness in his eyes and the longing just below the surface of his skin.

“Is it about her?” She asks, not really thinking of her words.

Bucky pauses, wondering if they’re thinking of the same ‘her’.

“Yes.” He says finally. “Steve…” he begins to warn her.

“He’s not listening, I checked. He’s out on a mission.”

Feeling bolder, Wanda asks “Why do you push her away? She’s trying so hard to remember.”

Bucky pulls his hands away from the keys and settles them at his sides, on the bench, with a sigh.

“You helping her?” He asks, his temper simmering beneath the surface.

Wanda looks down at her feet.

“Well, stop. She has a good thing going here. She doesn’t need…”

“You?!” she says in an exasperated tone. “Because, I’ve tried to stay out of people’s heads, out of their memories, but emotions are harder to block. And you know what I’m getting off of both you? Longing.”

“Don’t say that word.” Bucky says warily.

“Why? It’s in English and it doesn’t have the same effect as it did when Hydra used it on you. Not after Wakanda. That word only describes what’s radiating off of both of you, what Hydra built upon. Am I right? Is that how they did it? Use your emotions and memories against you?”

Bucky stands up abruptly, startling the young woman.

“You think you’re so smart? You think because you have this power, you know everything?”

There is fury in his voice but also the quiver from the onslaught of tears threatening to burst forth.

“I don’t need my power to be able to tell that there is something going on between the two of you. And I’m not the only one who notices. My power just makes it so that I’m the one who just can’t ignore it.” Says Wanda with a fervent tone.

“Well, try harder.”

Wanda breathes deeply, trying to use reason.

“You think you’re sparing her by keeping her at a distance, because that’s how it worked in the Red R…”

“You don’t know anything!” He steps forward once as he shouts, before stopping himself. Forcing himself to step back and calm his expression.

“You can’t hurt me.” Wanda says confidently despite having stepped back at his advance. “But you are hurting her. And you’re not helping yourself either. It may have been Steve’s love that brought you back. But be honest, he’s not the only one keeping you here. You can’t keep resisting while being drawn in, and expect to remain in one piece.”

She turns away from him. Wanda was almost out of the room when Bucky asks “Why do you care?”

She stops in her tracks, turns to face Bucky and says “Because after…everything; this, you, her and the rest have become my family. And my family has had enough losses, fights and bad blood to last it a century. Maybe I’m the oversensitive sibling here and god knows, Steve’s the overprotective one. But all we want is for both of you to be happy. Not everyone may show it the way I do but…”

“You think that happiness means us together that way?” Bucky asks.

“Maybe not. But it is accepting that you need each other, whichever way that may be.”

Wanda leaves Bucky to her thoughts knowing she’s done all she can. It’s up to them now how they decide to move forward. At least this time, Bucky might be more open to talking.

* * *

 

It didn’t take long for Nat to get tired of the all-American life on the farm. The Bartons were a nice bunch but that life just wasn’t for her. It didn’t take long for a fun visit to turn into a chore.  And it didn’t take long for her to realize that time away wasn’t really doing the trick for her getting her mind in order. So, in barely four days, she was already heading back to the tower. This time she had every intention to finally have a long conversation with one James Buchanan Barnes.

She arrives, dumps her bag in her room and changes into a v-neck shirt and her old standard issue SHIELD sweatpants. Lucky thing too, she thinks, because after looking for Barnes from the common room, the kitchen, his suite and everything else in between, she finds him punching a bag in the gym.

“Hey.” She says cautiously.

“Hey. That was a short vacation.” He replies, surprising her with the shy smile he sporting.

“Got bored.”

They both try to move the conversation along but the words just wouldn’t come. And as if by fate or some advancement in technology, Friday saw it fit to break the awkward silence with an alarm.

“It seems you got back just in time.”

“What is it, Friday?” asks Natasha.

“Intel just came in on another raid, this time in Kiev. Mission is time sensitive. Immediate departure recommended. Estimated number of opposing operatives: 50 men at arms.”

“That’s a lot of people. Bound to make a mess.” Says Bucky as he packs up his gear.

Friday continues to describe the mission as they both make their way to the lift.

“Tactics consistent with other raids on KGB bases that occurred in the past few weeks. Possibly HYDRA. I’ve sent the coordinates to the quinjet. Adversaries seem intent on acquiring some very heavy artillery. Equipped with numerous armored vehicles.”

“Any enhanced people?” Bucky asks as they exit the lift into the armory.

“Negative.”

They make their way to their respective lockers.

“Available operatives?” Nat asks as she unknots the tie of her sweatpants.

“Barnes. Romanoff. Maximoff. The Captain and Sam Wilson have been alerted and will catch up to assist.” Friday pipes in in the background.

Bucky awkwardly looks and turns away from her as he too begins to change.

“What? It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” Says Natasha.

Bucky gets back to what he was doing, trying to continue the casual conversation. It was as if he was practicing for any further conversation they would be having.

“I know, just the last time you were in your panties alone in my presence, Steve got a bit worried.”

“I know. I was the one that got scolded for it.” Says Natasha to Bucky surprise.

“He did what?” he asks but Natasha’s attention was elsewhere.

Bucky, following Nat’s example, turned to look back at the elevator to find Wanda looking very pleased with herself.

Bucky looks down at himself and Natasha. Realizing that they were now both half naked and were standing quite close to each other, he just silently shakes his head.

“What are you looking at kid? Suit up.” Says Nat, proceeding to shake the young woman out of her supposed victory.

 

The journey to Kiev was surprisingly fast with the upgraded quinjet, but also quiet with the three of them on board.

They land stealthily with cloaking on the jet, on the roof of a nearby building.

“Should we wait for the others?” Wanda asks as her companions gear up with as many weapons they can carry.

“Mission is time sensitive. Heat signatures say they’re already inside.” Says Bucky stoically.

“Besides, we’ve got you.” Natasha turns to her with a smile as she checks the charge on her ‘widow’s bite’.

“No pressure then.” Wanda replies sarcastically.

“Can you get a clean read on them? Can’t tell how many there are.” asks Bucky as he looks at the readings on the jet’s dashboard.

“No, me neither. But by the looks of it, Friday wasn’t exaggerating with that estimate.” Says Nat.

“We’ll go in quietly. There’s got to be a reason for all these raids. Figure out what they’re here for before this place goes to shit, which I’m sure it will with this many people.” Says Bucky in a very business-like manner.

“Aye aye…sergeant.” says Nat with one side of her lips quirked.

To which Bucky raises an eyebrow to.

“Funny. Get ready.” Says Bucky with a hint of a smile of his own.

They make their way off of the jet in their quiet, confident way while Wanda follows awkwardly behind them; feeling like she's intruding on something but not entirely willing to look away.

The warehouse is pretty big. Those ‘possibly HYDRA’ goons probably think they’ve hit the jackpot.

They approach slowly. They encounter a few pairs of armed guards and dispatches them quietly. Once they enter the main warehouse, they find a great number of men packing up a variety of weapons, some of them even glowed.

“Coulson’s people could really use those.” Nat whispers as they hid behind a few crates.

They don’t hear anything of consequence for a while, just plans for transport. They were definitely HYDRA though. The symbols on some of the uniforms were now obviously HYDRA under the dim indoor light.

“I’m gonna get closer.” Nat whispers.

Bucky grabs her arm and says “Careful!”

“I got this!”

He lets her go only to mumble “Chyort voz'mi, Natalia!” as she moves closer that he expected.

“Are they here?” Natasha hears a female voice ask, but couldn’t find the source of the sound.

“There’s no sign of them.” Says a male voice.

“Have you gotten all you came here for?” the female asks.

“I’m sure those up top will be very happy with our purchases. Thank you for the intel. But it seems your investment has failed to get you your money’s worth.”

“They’ll come. And really, it’s none of your concern as long as you get more valuable information from me. Though I do sometimes wonder if your masters are intentionally keeping them from me to prolong our arrangement.”

“Surely not. You are a valuable ally and a dangerous enemy. We’d never cross you.”

“They’re here.” Says an out of breath male voice. “They’ve knocked out some of our guards.”

Natasha looks back at Bucky and Wanda with wide eyes and mouths “It’s a trap.”

But it’s too late.

“NATALIA!” Bucky shouts as a large man tries to grab her.

Suddenly, they are surrounded. Wanda tries to keep as many of the men fighting her but despite her power, they seemed more concerned about apprehending her companions.

Glass shards from a large window flies inward accompanied by Steve and Sam.

As Bucky had predicted, the whole place goes to shit. The HYDRA men were like a swarm. There were so many of them that despite the great number they were fighting, many were still moving the weapons out. She’d sealed the doors to keep any more of them from escaping but most of the weapons had made it out of the warehouse. Those that were left were just pawns. HYDRA was all too willing to sacrifice their men for some hardware.

It was utter chaos. Steve, Bucky and Nat were fighting hand-to-hand and only occasionally firing any shots due to the number and close proximity of their enemies. Sam took on Bucky’s role, keeping an eye on them and shooting from above.  Wanda was throwing and knocking people out at least five at time and was slowly shrinking the enemies’ numbers.

Wanda then noticed a hooded female figure making her way towards Natasha.

“Nat, look out!” she shouts as she was about to throw the woman back but Steve beats her to it.

Meanwhile, Natasha has another attacker coming her way.  Her attention is already focused on another six adversaries and another attacks her from behind.

The fight was dying down. Steve orders Wanda and Sam to see where the others had gone with the weapons and go after them if possible, leaving the other three avengers to deal with those left inside the warehouse.

The remaining, conscious HYDRA goons seemed to focus their numbers on Nat. Once those fighting the men were dealt with, the two super soldiers moved to help Natasha out. One adversary in particular seemed to be getting the upper hand. Nat, occupied with other combatants, was caught off guard by the man with a chain. The man chokes her with it until Bucky gets his hands on him.

Steve deals with the rest. Nat falls unconscious and Bucky is just demolishing the man’s face. He mumbles angrily and incoherently. His eyes are dark as he pounds his fists on the man’s head. It takes both Steve and Sam to pull him off of the bloodied mess.

 


	7. Chapter 7

The flight back to the tower was quiet. Bucky was worrying over an unconscious Natasha and was feeling just a tiny bit of guilt for what he did to that HYDRA goon. The rest of the team don’t really know how to reassure him.

Most of the HYDRA men got away while the rest were rounded up by some of Coulson’s people, leaving behind only a fraction of the weapons they intended to steal. Despite this marginally successful mission on the part of their enemies, Natasha had said that it was all a trap. What other purpose could HYDRA have for doing a raid other than doing a raid? 

Some of those captured are up for interrogation but the prisoner of interest was the hooded woman, who underneath her hood had blonde hair and wore form-fitting tactical gear with not a single mark of HYDRA on her.

“Hydra?” asked Steve as he sat across from her in the interrogation room.

“No.” she replied disinterestedly.

“You kept them company well enough.” Steve continued to try and get anything out of her that they didn’t already know.

“For my own gains.” She says with a think Russian accent.

“Clearly. And what would those be?”

“Revenge.” She replied in an overly dramatic manner.

She appeared to be enjoying herself. It was as if she had nowhere else she wanted to be but right where she sat.

“On whom?”

She just silently smiles back at Steve.

“So this doesn’t have anything to do with the Winter Soldier?”

“Oh Captain. You hear Russia and HYDRA in one context and you automatically you think of the Winter Soldier. You do realize you have another Russian on your team. It was no accident she got the worst of it tonight.”

“Bucky isn’t Russian. What do you have against the Black Widow?”

Again she smiles deviously, clearly not willing to give anything else away.

“Fine. You want to play the cryptic villain, be my guest. Shout for someone when you’re finally bored out of skull and decide to talk. I on the other hand, can be very patient. Lots of things out there to occupy my time. Enjoy your stay.”

Steve walks out of the interrogation room to find his team waiting for him in their large briefing room.

“Friday was right.” He addresses the team, now joined by Tony and a furious Clint.

“Most of them were HYDRA goons looking for munitions. This lady seems to have gotten lost.”

“Has she said anything?” asked Clint.

“Nope. You saw the feed. She’s very tight-lipped about some things but very loud with her body language about how much she’s enjoying herself. I don’t like this. It feels like we’re playing into her hand.” Steve crosses her arms across his chest in frustration.

“HYDRA guys seemed small time. Armed to the teeth but they all sang once Coulson’s people got ‘em in a dark room. This one? This whole heist seems way above her paygrade.” Said Sam.

“She’s definitely got a different agenda. What else was in the warehouse besides guns?” asked Tony.

“Nat, apparently.” Clint grumbled.

“Um Cap.” Wanda interrupted pointing at the video feed they had coming from the interrogation room.

Steve ran to the door of the interrogation room, banging his fists on the reinforced steel.

“Bucky! Open this door!” he shouted.

“Turn of the audio both ways will you, Friday. Mute the little punk.” Said Bucky.

Steve continued to shout but Bucky only gave him exaggerated gestures, saying he can’t hear him.

“Buck!”

“He can’t hear you.” Said Sam.

“You think!”

“Friday overright! Open the damn door.” Said Tony.

“Negative. Dangerous conditions within.” Replied the Friday’s calm feminine voice.

“She’s tied up!”

“Sergeant Barnes has presented historical data that backs up the possibility of this getting out of hand.”

“He hacked you? How the hell…” asked a confused Tony as he furiously typed away on the security interface at the door.

“Well he and Nat do have similar training.” Clint piped in.

“What does that have to do with anything?” asked Tony, not looking up from his work.

“Wow, you really never noticed that time when Nat…”

“Not now! Can you open it?” asked a nervous Steve.

“Give me a sec.”

“Guys, relax. Look, she’s talking.” Sam pointed at the two-way mirror window.

 

* * *

Bucky took the seat across from the woman.

“Belova.”

“Soldat. You remembered.” She replied in a delighted tone.

“Don’t be too happy about that. I recognized you from your tells. They’re as obvious as they were when you were 16. If you really wanted to be the Black Widow, you probably should have worked on those more.”

 

“What the hell! They know each other.” Said Clint.

“How can you tell?” asked Wanda.

“Look at them.”

“She looks way too happy about this.” Said Steve.

“Relax, what can she do to the Winter Soldier?” said Tony.

“What can she do to the Black Widow?” Steve replied.

“You’ve got a point but she did have help with that.” Said Sam.

“Bucky  has no business being in there.” Said Steve.

“I get that you’re worried for our resident amnesiac but he is also the Winter Soldier you know. You want to scare her into talking, he’s your guy.” Said Clint.

“Does she look scared to you?” asked Steve

 

“The true Black Widow is alive and stable. You failed.” Said Bucky

“Still playing favorites I see. No one is ever better than your little spider.”

“Yes. My favorite certainly appreciated all the pummeling and scars she got from training with me.”

 

“I got us back some audio.” Announced Tony.

 

“You still have your accent.”

“I’m not ashamed of it, American.”

“Makes you a less effective spy though. Though you haven’t been doing a lot of spy work lately have you. You’ve been making a lot of noise in the last couple of months, for a spy.”

“Is this my monthly evaluation Comrade Winter Soldier?”

“You can certainly use one.”

“Will you not credit my recent achievements? The Avengers, rattled. Romanova in critical condition.”

“You, captured. Impressive. By the way, Romanova is not in critical condition according to the last update. Probably just a minor concussion. She’ll appreciate the…what does she call it? Cognitive recalibration. I think she’s been feeling a little off-balanced lately, so thanks for that.”

“Enough niceties. It doesn’t suit you.”

“Steve would disagree. But you’re right. It doesn’t suit me.”

“What are you going to do with me? Talk will get you nowhere and you know it. Will you show your friends the monster within? Torture me for answers?”

“Not a bad suggestion. I wasn’t really in charge of torture back then but after tonight, I am tempted. But I wouldn’t say I have a monster ‘within’. I keep telling them I’m not quite Bucky Barnes anymore but not quite the Winter Soldier either but that isn’t very accurate. I’ve realize, I haven’t changed all that much. I can be a brooding old shit sometimes but I think that’s understandable given my history. But in the broad strokes, Hydra got the soldier they wanted. Bucky Barnes was a skilled fighter, a crack shot. He was loyal, I think. Have a bit of an insubordination streak on him but not a hard thing to beat out of a man with all the toys that Hydra had at their disposal. The Soldat were all those things just made better…or worse. And in a different context.”

 

“Told you. Terrifying.” Said Clint.

 

“So, if I say that I, Winter Soldier or not, can and will tear you limb from limb; know that I can, quite literally, do just that.”

He drummed on the table with his metal fingers for a moment and the abruptly got up from his seat.

He grabs her by the neck.

“Why are you doing this?”

 

“Well, Barnes certainly got the bad cop act down pat.” Said Tony.

"The door, Tony!" Steve demanded.

 

_“Because your taunts and insults on my skills can’t change the fact that Romanova has lost her edge.”_

_“This your only way of getting ahead?”_

_“No. But now people will take notice. She’s not a good as everyone says. I’ve surpassed her.”_

_“She’s surpassed me. And we both know you can’t even take me.”_

_“Well if you haven’t noticed, your protégé isn’t up and about at the moment.”_

 

“Oh great, now they’re speaking Russian.” Said Sam, sarcastically.

 

_“You couldn’t have done that without an advantage.”_

_“Like she wouldn’t bring with her every advantage. She just made the mistake of underestimating an enemy and believing you and your Avengers-in-training were an advantage.”_

_“So that was your plan? Eliminate the competition? Sorry, but I think you failed.”_

_“No. My plan is not to eliminate her. She’s not in the same business anymore. At least, not as much as she used to be.”_

_“What does that mean?”_

_“Her death would be beneficial but not the purpose of all this. This is personal. This is revenge. She will suffer. And so will you.”_

_“Me?"_

_“The captain wasn’t wrong when he thought this had something to do with you.”_

_“I owe you nothing.”_

_“You chose her over me.”_

Bucky lets go of her neck, sits back in his chair and in his calmer but still smoldering voice, returns to speaking English.

“That’s what this is about? My words didn’t mean that much.”

“But it did. Your bias cost me everything.”

“There is an extensive record of your exploits that says otherwise, Black Widow.”

“No one is Black Widow but her. To the world, we are but cheap imitations compared to her. The others deserve that, I don’t. I will not remain nameless. You will both pay.”

“You think my ‘feelings’ had an effect on my recommendation? I was a machine!”

“A machine that made even Comrade Shostakov jealous. You were her Zima. There’s no point hiding it now.”

“You’re not the only one who was dismissed and assigned a different position. Be content you weren’t one of those who were terminated from the program completely.”

“I was nowhere near any of them. I could have become Black Widow if it weren’t for you.”

Bucky is taken aback by a sudden realization. And though it had seemed impossible, he had become even more furious.

“It was you wasn’t it. You tipped them off.”

“You were sloppy. That’s how you got caught.”

“You took from me my only comfort, my hope, MY SANITY!”

“And you got to slumber in your little ice chamber and she got all she ever wanted.”

“These imagined slights doesn’t explain what you intend to do.”

“What I intend to do? I’ve already done it.”

Bucky turns to face the Avengers on the other side of the two-way mirror only to be surprised to see the door was open and the Avengers looking back at him, very confused.

“Someone check on Romanoff.” He say and Clint is already running to the infirmary before he finished his sentence.

Steve walks in to escort him out the room but Bucky quickly turn towards Belova and whispers to her.

“I have found some semblance of self and of peace here and so has she. If you’ve done anything to jeopardize that, I’ll end you, slowly, painfully. Coulson can bury in his deepest, most secret cell, and I’ll still find you.”

 

* * *

 

At the infirmary, the Avengers find Natasha, surprisingly awake and wielding a scalpel.

“WHOA NAT!” shouts Clint as he cautiously tries to approach her as if she were a wild animal.

“Stand back.” Says Steve to Dr. Cho and her legion of nurses.

“What’s wrong with her?” asks Wanda.

“We thought she was only knocked out but it seems she was given a neurotoxin during the fight somehow.” Dr. Cho shouts over the commotion.

“What does it do?”

“We don’t know what it is yet but she’s been violent since she woke.”

Bucky walks right passed them and straight towards Natasha.

“Stand back! Bucky!” Steve shouts.

Bucky knew, whatever was wrong with her, it was he who knew her strength and can handle it. As strong as Steve was, even he has yet to be on the receiving end of the delicate, precision of Natalia at her strongest. Steve’s full strength could break her but Steve holding back wouldn’t be enough. Taking on Natalia was always more like a dance rather than a wrestling match.

“Natalia.” Bucky offers the crazed woman his flesh and blood hand.

Nat looks at it for a moment then she slashes at Bucky cheek with the scalpel.

Those in the room shout in surprise but Bucky just grabs for Nat hand.

In a quick battle of hands, he disarms her, holds her close and takes her palm to his bleeding cheek.

His Natalia looks at him with wide eyes.

“Eto real’no? Ty real'nyy?” This is real? You are real?

“Da.” Yes

“Zimniy Soldat? Nyet!” Natalia protests, struggling in Bucky’s hold. “Zima mertv!” Zima is dead.

“Nyet! I’m right here. This isn’t a trick.” Says Bucky.

Bucky looks towards Dr. Cho as if to call her over. She breaks past Clint and reluctantly grabs for a sedative, unsure how any more drugs could affect her patient.

After Natalia is sedated and restrained on a gurney, Bucky turns towards Steve and says 

“I surrender myself for disciplinary action.”


	8. Chapter 8

“I surrender myself for disciplinary action.”

“Yeah, we don’t do that here. If we did I’d be…” said Tony with a smirk on his face.

“Fine.” Steve interrupts.

He turns to face Bucky with a frustrated look on his face. “Your punishment is telling me what the hell has been going on with you lately.”

“I’ll tell you all that I know when she wakes up. But that’s not enough. That can’t be my punishment.” Bucky says calmly, which frustrates Steve further.

“What do you want me to do? Have you suspended? Have you polishing combat boots? This isn’t the army, Bucky. I just want you to talk to me!”

The rest of the people in the room look to their feet meekly.

“And I will, when she’s better. I…” Bucky stop talking and takes hold of Steve’s shoulder for balance, suddenly feeling nauseous.

The frown on Steve’s forehead is replaced with a look of worry.

“Buck?”

“I…I feel…”

Bucky turns to look back at Natalia and sees Dr. Cho open her clenched fist to reveal her bloody palm.

“She cut her hand with the scalpel.” Says Dr. Cho.

Bucky collapses onto Steve.

Dr. Cho ushers Steve and the others out of the room, her nurses taking charge of Nat.

“We have to put him in a different room. I don’t know how the neurotoxin works but if he turns violent like her…”

“Two drugged and violent assassins in one room equals bad news. Got it.” Says Sam as he opens the door for Steve.

* * *

 

Bucky’s eyes flutter open to see a blurred, sterile looking room. He sees Steve sitting on a chair, almost dozing, next to a bed; the bed he is in he realizes. He looks down at himself and says

“Why aren’t cuffed to this bed?”

Steve is startled awake and turns to Bucky.

“Bucky! How are you feeling?”

“Why aren’t cuffed to this bed?” he repeats the question.

Steve steels himself and says “Why would you be cuffed to the bed. You’re not a danger to any of us.”

“Plenty would disagree. Though I suppose you are ‘superheroes’.” Bucky says with a humorless smile which then fades as he struggles to a sitting position. It seems Belova’s poison has effects apart from disorientation and amplifying aggression.

“I interfered with your interrogation. I killed that man. I broke the rules.”

Steve sighs. “Oh come on. I’ve had enough of this self-loathing…”

“Well, sorry Cap, but it can’t always be high spirits and high kicks in my life. I did some shit! And when I thought that’s all behind me, this happens!”

“Bucky you’re…” Steve tries to reason with his friend only to again be interrupted.

“We don’t kill. It happens in complicated situations but mostly we bring the bad guys to justice. This may not be the army but that’s how this hero thing works right?”

Steve huffs out of something between frustration and exhaustion.

“That _was_ a complicated situation.”

“I was afraid this would happen. This is not how it works! Mentally compromise operatives aren’t just allowed into active service because it’s what their mind or body or whatever, needs!” says Bucky almost pleadingly.

Steve reaches for Bucky’s hand and speaks with as a comforting a voice as he could muster.

“Your doctors understood that your case is different. Combat, active service, a sense of purpose is just about the only thing that’s familiar and stable that can help get you back on your feet.”

“Fighting side by side with you is what helps me get back on my feet. Your progress feeds mine. Working with the Avengers is supposed to wean me off murder and turn me into a force for good and maybe wean me of that too. Maybe I’ll stumble upon a normal, civilian life fighting aliens and hanging out with Clint who retires every five minutes.” Bucky spouts out what he now believes to be the laughable objectives of his treatment.

“You really think therapy and team building exercises will wean me off being me? Because that was me. I am the Winter Soldier. My ‘conditioning’ may be suppressed but you can’t change what I am and what they turned me into.”

Steve squeezes Bucky’s hand in another attempt at comfort.

“You are Bucky Barnes and you are a work in progress.”

“I know you care, Steve. But when will you stop making excuses for me? What I did wasn’t because of my conditioning. I was angry and I used the Winter Soldier’s strength and stomach for violence to kill that man. Bucky Barnes is the Winter Soldier, if Bucky Barnes had Hydra instead you.”

“But you do have me now. There’s more to you than violence, Buck. For instance, why did you feel you had to use that much violence at all?”

Bucky pauses. Turning away from Steve before saying “He hurt Natalia.”

Steve is slightly taken aback by the use of the name but pushes on.

“She gets hurt all the time. Occupational hazard.”

Bucky’s mood shifts. All of a sudden his tone is filled with concern.

“But that was too close. She could have been killed.”

Steve decides to humor his friend.

“Nat is very important to all of us. Had something actually happened, yes, I probably would have raised hell. But what happened to you earlier was different. I admit, you almost tore that man apart. Tell me the truth, Buck.” Steve pleads.

And with another humorless smile, Bucky says “You still think this is about me pining over some broad I met in the 60s?”

“That’s not the point.” Steve says despite wanting answers. “It just means you’re motivated by something other than violence.”

Bucky looks at Steve for a moment, composing himself for what he was about to say.

“I’m sorry. You’re my best friend and you should know better. I should have told you. But I’ve just been so used to hiding this. Keeping her a secret because it kept her safe.”

Steve lowers his head and tries to reason with him.

“Bucky, Nat’s not…”

“But she is.” Bucky interrupts before looking towards the door. “I’m sorry love but he had to know.”

Steve is taken aback.

“What?” He turns to where Bucky is now looking. “Nat? What are you doing up?”

“You should be in bed.” Bucky adds.

And Natasha, leaning on the door frame, says “Oh shut up, both of you. I wasn’t trained me to be coddled.”

“You weren’t trained you to be reckless either. You think this is wise.” Says Bucky in his calm and collected ‘trainer’ voice.

“Don’t lecture me, comrade. I’m fine.”

“Are you?” both men ask.

Nat rolls her eyes before saying “Steve, give us a moment will you.”

“Nat…”

“Please.”

Steve gets up from his seat and says “I’ll be...not in here.”

Steve walks hesitantly toward the door, turning back occasionally to the two who were no longer paying much attention to him.

After the door clicked close in Steve’s wake, Nat says “Just to be clear, I’m pretty sure no one is sending you back into cryo for what happened.”

Natasha proceeds with a businesslike manner.

“Like you said, your conditioning is no longer a problem. If it’s your temper or violent track record, just look at the Avengers roster. You’re not very unique in that aspect. Your skillset however is an asset. You’re not getting a one-way ticket to Wakanda anytime soon.”

She then puts on a light smirk to try and put Bucky at ease.

“So, stop your brooding. It can be hot and all but we can’t have everyone falling for you.”

Bucky stares, not really knowing how to respond, so Nat continues.

“We were lovers. This wouldn’t be such a big deal otherwise. Not just another warm body to take to bed after all. Why keep this from me?”

Bucky looks away before saying “The man Natalia loved wasn’t a complete man. He was a broken piece of machinery with no name. Settling for something while trapped in that place is one thing… Now you don’t have to settle.”

Nat frowns.

“Settle for what? The man who gave me the skills I needed to survive?”

“The man who turned children into weapons.”

Nat walks towards Steve’s chair and places a hand on the back rest for balance.

“One of those children wouldn’t have had the chance to grow up and make her own choices if it weren’t for you. And I may not remember everything but I remember you were kind. Despite how rigorous it all was, you cared enough to tend my wounds, give advice and some kind words when our masters weren’t looking.”

Bucky’s sad smile makes another appearance.

“I wasn’t like that with all of you.”

She forgoes the chair and sits on his bed.

“Yes you were.”

“Not enough. Belova was right about me having favorites.”

Nat smiles at him, as if to congratulate him on having a memory.

“Belova. So, you recognized her too.”

“I may have some of my memories now, but I am no less screwed up that I was then.” Bucky quickly clarifies.

“Neither am I.”

“Having memories of my life as Bucky Barnes doesn’t make me anymore him or any less the Winter Soldier. I don’t know who I am anymore apart from being a mess.” Says Bucky, now clearly trying to put Natasha off.

“That’s because you’ve been trapped in a cycle of cryo-sleep and missions for decades and never got the chance to figure things out. And then you jumped right back into the fray with your buddy Rogers. You’re neither of them.” Says Natasha, succeeding at making Bucky speechless once more.

“You’re someone in between the two,” she continues, taking his hand in hers. “with a bit of someone else, someone free. People change through-out their lives, they keep and discard pieces of their old selves all the time. I’ve done it many times over. So, you’re not exactly any of those people anymore but you don’t have to be. Be who you want to be, be what makes you happy. That’s all Steve wants for you. And if that man still wants me then, I’m here for you too.”

Bucky looks away from her for a moment, deterring an urge to move closer to her. He stares at their fingers entwined, his thumb gently caressing the distantly familiar hand.

“I’m not in the best place right now…” Bucky starts only to be interrupted.

“When are you going to run out of excuses? If you don’t want a relationship, you can just say so. But you are not going to deprive me of some of the best memories of my life!”

Bucky squeezes her hand slightly to get her attention before he continues.

“…but I can be. There may come a time when I finally deserve you. Believe me, I’m working on it.” He smiles at her hopefully.

Natasha is surprised by this positive turn but she smiles back at Bucky nonetheless, out of joy as well as relief.

They stay there for a moment, smiling and holding hands, until Bucky breaks the spell.

“Now go back to your room. Seriously, you need the rest.”

Nat can’t help but let out a quiet giggle before saying “You’re not the boss of me anymore.”

“No one ever was. It was just a strong suggestion.” Says Bucky, tired and still a bit dizzy, but utterly euphoric.

“We’re not done talking about this.” Says Nat, as she gets up from her spot on the bed.

Bucky holds up his hands as if in surrender. “Oh, I know.”

“That little potion knocked me on ass.” She says as stretches up her arms, trying to get the kinks out of her joints. “Sorry, I got some on you. You should get some rest too.”

“Yes ma’am. And then maybe I can help with that back.” Says Bucky with a smirk.

Natasha matches his cheek with some of her own.

“Or make it worse with something utterly erotic and ridiculous.”

“Like that time with the jet ski.” Bucky smiles at memory.

Natasha frowns in concentration, trying to match his memory with one of her own.

“Oh, that was you?”

“Who else would it have been?” says Bucky with mock indignation.

“Don’t go caveman on me, mister. It’s been a long life.”

She then leans over him and gives him a kiss on the cheek. He reaches up a hand to her cheeks, moving to kiss her on the lips. She relents and kisses him back. They start out shy but then proceed to kiss each other with a thirst fueled by decades of separation.

They part and Nat sighs “I remember that.”

Realizing how she’d ended up on his lap, she blushes shyly but is relieved to find an equally bashful Soldat.

Nat stands up and backs away slowly with a shy smile on her face. A quiet goodnight after an eventful day.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Checking up on those Civil War wounds.

It seems the night has turned into another team sleepover. The team is much too exhausted to drive or fly elsewhere just to sleep. The tower will do for the night as it has on many occasions. After all, not everyone made it to the raid but most of them were at the tower for the messy aftermath.

Most of the team sit around in couches with coffee in hand, trying to recuperate from the events of the day, when Bruce enters the room with Helen Cho in tow

“Hey guys, Dr. Cho’s just heading out.” Said Bruce as he was escorting Helen to the elevator.

“Hey Helen, I could have a room set up for you, It’s a bit late.” Tony calls out from the couch where he’s slumped next to Clint and Sam.

“I’ll be fine. You all get some rest. Make sure our patients get a lot of it.”

“Will do.” They all reply with sleepy enthusiasm.

Bruce returns from the elevator just as Steve comes into the room. They both take a seat on the other couch where Wanda was sitting across from the other three. They sit there quietly for a moment.

Bruce takes a mug off of the coffee table, takes a sip and almost chokes on the drink.

“I thought that was coffee.”

“It’s Irish coffee.” Says Tony.

“Your whiskey to coffee ratio’s a bit off, Tony.”

“No one else is complaining.”

And as if in response to finding out the warm drinks had whiskey in them, Cap takes the last mug on the table and takes a substantial swig, only to sigh in disappointment in recalling the whiskey would have no effect on him.

The team takes a moment to look at the exhausted Captain with concern before moving on to other topics.

“I thought you were staying with Pepper at the house this weekend.” Says Bruce.

Tony shrugs and says “I can fly there tomorrow.”

“Tony…” says Bruce in a cautioning tone.

“It’s been a long day.” Tony says defensibly.

“I second that.” Clint raises his mug in agreement.

Thinking it would move the conversation away from the sore subject that was Tony’s relationship troubles, Wanda asks about Vision who’d recently been spending most of his time at the Avengers compound.

“How’s Viz, by the way?”

“He seems to be enjoying overseeing the goings-on at the compound.” Says Tony.

“Enjoying?” asks Clint in disbelief.

“At ease, maybe…I think he feels it’s a safe space to explore.” Tony elaborates. “He’s learning, becoming a bit more like us. Being surrounded by technology, the traffic of people a bit more controlled, relationships more structured; it eases the transitions.”

“Is that healthy though?” asks Bruce. “Since most of us are here, the compound’s become more of a workplace than a home. That environment doesn’t seem like it supplies a very comprehensive experience of humanity.”

“Vision is already like us by design and we’re not really restricting his experience. If he prefers the compound for the time being, that’s down to his personality.”

“His developing personality.” Bruce corrects Tony. “Vision may be powerful and he may look like a grown man with purple skin, but he is still a developing lifeform.”

“He’s a new lifeform. Do we really have the right to mold him the way we see fit? Look at how I did with Ultron.”

“It’s not a right to mold it’s a responsibility to guide. We’re not strictly his mentors, we’re his family.”

The heated argument is interrupted by Natasha entering the room. All eyes are on her as she passes the group.

“Goodnight Wanda, boys.” Says Nat as she heads to her own sterile room for the night.

The team is silent, not really knowing how to reply until she’s out of the room.

“Where did she come from? Thought she was resting.” Asks Sam.

“She came to talk to Bucky.” Steve replies.

“That’s it? That’s all we’re getting?” asks Tony.

“Dr. Cho said they need rest.” Says Steve as a noncommittal excuse.

“What just happened in there Steve?” ask Sam.

“Neurotoxin.”

“We know about that! What we don’t know is the beef between Nat, Bucky and the blondie.” Says Sam.

“Or when Barnes turned into Jason fucking Bourne.” Adds Tony.

“Jason Bourne?” asks Clint.

“Yeah, cause of the fighting and the hacking stuff. Oh and the memory problems.”

“Still sore about the hacking huh?” Clint chuckles.

“He shouldn’t be able to do that.”

“You have files on us, Tony. Barnes has infiltration and hacking in his list skills.”

“But he shouldn’t be able to hack me.”

“I don’t know the answer to those yet.” Steve interrupts, tired of the banter after such a long day. “Just give them time.” He adds as he stands up and heads to his own room, mug in hand.

The team is silent, looking after Steve’s retreating form. The team then turns to look a Clint expectantly once the coast is clear.

“What?” he asks.

“You know anything?” asks Tony.

“I’m as confused as you are.” says Clint. “Look, when it comes to Nat, as close as we are, I’m on need-to-know. She hasn’t said anything. Barnes seems…attached and she’s asked about him. That’s it.”

“Attached?” asks Bruce.

“To her.” Clint clarifies.

“Scary assassin man’s got a crush. Well I’ll be damned.” Says Sam before he takes a sip of his coffee.

“You okay, Bruce.” Says Tony in a teasing tone.

“Get some sleep, Tony. You have a tongue-lashing to go to in the morning.”

* * *

 

It’s early in the morning when Steve comes to Bucky’s room at the infirmary.

“Bucky?” he calls as he knocks on the already opened door.

Steve is surprised that Bucky is not in bed. He peeks into the open door to the en suite bathroom to also find it empty. He walks deeper into the room, his confusion and worry clear on his face.

After further surveying, he finds a note on the pillow that simply says “Out for breakfast. Be back soon. Don’t worry.”

Steve is taken out of his reverie by Friday’s comforting Irish voice.

“Captain Rogers, the team requires your assistance in breaking up an ongoing arms deal. Please make preparations and proceed to the landing pad.”

Steve turns to leave the room but is unsure how to proceed.

“Friday, do you know where Bucky went?”

“Sergeant Barnes is not in the premises. He left early this morning and there’s no record of his intended destination.”

Steve proceeds to the armory, not entirely sure if he means to prepare for the mission at hand or to apologize to his team because he has to go find Bucky. He finds Clint and Sam there, changing into their tactical suits and packing their gear.

“Cap, we’ve gotta go.” Says Sam when he notices Steve’s dazed expression.

“Yeah but, Bucky…”

“Is on bedrest.” Says Sam.

“And he’s not in his bed.” Says Steve, some of his panic bleeding through.

“He leave a note?” asks Clint.

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

“Cause Nat left one too.”

Clint holds up a note that simply says “I’m fine.” You can almost hear Natasha’s exasperation from the neat cursive.

Steve proceeds to prepare for the mission but retains the worried lines on his forehead.

“Not heading back to the farm?” asks Sam.

“Nah. You guys seem a bit short handed at the moment.”

“So much for retirement…again.” Sam says teasingly.

Noticing Steve’s still troubled expression, Clint pats his arm reassuringly and says. “Come on, we’ve got work to do. They’ll be fine.”

“They’re not in the building.” Says Steve.

“Probably just took some air.”

“They’re still recovering from a neurotoxin.” Steve’s worry lines runs deeper.

“Among other things. They’re together, they’ll live. Leave it to them to work the rest of it out.” Says Clint in a curiously knowing tone. “Come on. We have arms dealers to round up.”

“Yeah, Steve. No worries. If they’re on a rampage, I’m sure Friday will alert us.” Says Sam.

 

* * *

 

“Where are we going?” asks Nat.

“Quiet place to talk.” Bucky turns to her with a smile on his face.

Noticing how he’d grabbed her hand in his eagerness, Bucky says “Sorry.” and drops the hand.

Bucky quickens his pace slightly but it is enough for Natasha to notice. She smiles and jogs up after him and grabs his hand.

“I don’t mind.” She says, resulting in both experiencing heart-swelling and butterflies-in-the-stomach sensations.

They slow down their pace as they approach a building.

“A diner.” Nat acknowledges.

“Umm would you prefer somewhere else?” Asks Bucky nervously.

“No, it’s just very teen-movie-first-date, that’s all.” She says teasingly. “Not that I’ve ever been on one of those before.”

“We could go to a café. I just thought…breakfast?”

“No. Here’s good. Split a milkshake?” she says with a smile.

“For breakfast?” asks Bucky, slightly confused.

“It’s just a reference to…”

Bucky nods in comprehension and gives a breathy chuckle.

“No, I get it. I was awake in the 70’s remember? Wear my class ring?” he teases back

“Only if you let me borrow your letterman.”

They were about to go in but Nat pulls Buck into a corner.

“Wait.” She pulls one of her hair ties off of her wrist, throwing it to Bucky.

“Quiet place to talk won’t stay quiet if we look too familiar. This won’t do much but last thing you’d expect if for the Avengers to look like a bunch of hipsters.”

Bucky ties his hair in a ponytail.

“Not like that.” Says Natasha as she proceeds to tie Bucky’s hair in a low bun at his nape.

She then changes her severe center parting to a more demure side parting, doing a quick and messy braid draping over one shoulder.

“There. Let’s go.” She says as takes his hand, pulling him along into the diner.

They pick a booth on a more secluded corner of the diner and sit face to face.

“So, I know we have a lot to talk about.” Bucky starts. “Some things we might not even remember yet. But I thought we should discuss what we’re going to tell the team first. I don’t know what you’d prefer, personally I’d rather we deal with this on our own for now, but Belova’s reappearance isn’t really going to let that happen. They know things now. They’ve seen…us.”

“It would be better to avoid their questions when we barely know the answers but you’re right. That’s not gonna happen is it?”

A waitress approaches them and asks “What can I get you folks?”

“Two coffees. Your largest stack of pancakes with bacon, sausages and eggs.”

“French toast with bacon.” Says Natasha with a defiant expression directed at Bucky.

“Coming right up.” And the waitress departs.

“I see you still prefer that soggy bread over the greatest creation in culinary history.”

“Lay off my toast, you’re getting your pancakes aren’t you?

“Not without a pointed look from you it would seem.”

They chuckle. They may not remember everything yet but they know what the other likes for breakfast and that seems like a great deal more important at the moment than all the bad they went through in the past for some reason.

“You have reservations about telling them, naturally.” Say Bucky.

“Nothing like this comes naturally to us. It took me ages to warm up to SHIELD, then the Avenger. You know what happened with both them. We should just kidnap Steve and make a run for it.” Says Nat with a straight face.

Bucky scoffs at the thought. “We could but we won’t be able to keep him. That punk’s not staying put.”

“But Steve wouldn’t force us to stay. He knows us both to well now. But he’d be awfully broody with us away.”

They both chuckle in agreement but then Nat’s tone turns serious.

“You weren’t around before the Accords. I was beginning to trust. I was starting to feel comfortable. And you know that’s not easy for people like us. I really thought ‘this must be what family feels like.’ I put most my eggs in this basket and well, it blew up in my face.

I know we’re better now. We’re all bunk buddies again, they even let you join the team and, Steve and Tony talk like the fight never happened. But it did happen. They swept it under the rug, got used to working together again and pretend like they forgot. Wanda is investing her time with me to avoid dealing with how complicated her almost relationship with Vision is. Bruce is lost, trying to help fix things with the team, with Tony and Pepper, but he wasn’t around for any of it. And Rhodey, he says he’s not an active combatant because he’s not used to his legs yet but that’s just part of it. He’s not over the Accords. And Sam, he’s not over Rhodey’s fall. You know that triggered something. You know what happened to his wingman?”

Bucky nods and says “Yeah. Families fight. People can be vindictive even with the people they care for most. Those wounds can open up again but maybe they won’t. Wounds can scar and scars break easy but the longer you leave it, the less likely they do.”

“People say hardship will make us stronger but are we there yet? Are we stronger?”

“You never know until it’s tested. You think if things get rough again, if anything hits us while we’re fragile, someone will turn?”

Nat shakes her head “No…I don’t know. We’re settling. That includes me. I care about everyone in this team, but some of them I’ll never trust again. And I’m the last person anyone should trust.”

Bucky bows his head to think.

“Who gets to know?” he asks.

“Steve has to know. Wanda knows as much as I know. But whoever we tell, everyone will know eventually so we might as well tell them all.” Says Nat.

“About us.” Bucky clarifies then looks straight into Natalia’s eyes and asks “But what about you? You’re remembering us but also parts of yourself. How much of that will you share with them?”

“Do I really have a choice?” She shrugs. “How else do we explain how our affair fits into the timeline? The years won’t add up. More lies will only make this more complicated.”

Bucky reaches across the table, taking her hands in his.

“Well then, at least we know we’ll always have each other. I think we’ve proven that even getting our brains scrambled won’t change that.”

Natalia smiles adoringly at him then teases “And there’s always Captain America.”

Bucky huffs and says “That man’s saved our asses more times than I count.”

“Order up!” says the cook from a window to the kitchen.

Their waitress heads over to their table and lays down their food in front of them.

“There you are folks enjoy.”

The couple mutter their thanks and once alone again, Bucky says mock-disgust “Soggy bread.”

“Shut up.” says Natalia as she points a fork at him, a smile threatening to form on her lips.

They dig in, enjoying the quiet comfort of each other’s company.

Things could get messy in the days to come, so they might as well savor the moment.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Talkative Bucky.

After breakfast, Nat and Bucky decided to walk back to the Tower, not at all shy about holding hands this time around.

“Hey, did you get an alert for a mission?” asks Bucky just as they leave the diner.

“Yeah. They're fine. They have Clint. We have time.”

They just walk slowly and quietly for a while, enjoying each other’s presence.

“Is this technically our first date?” asks Nat with a smirk.

“Oh god, no!”

Nat raises an eyebrow.

Bucky stops in his tracks, turns to Nat and says “Not that there’s anything wrong with today.”

“It’s fine! I’m teasing. If you’re not ready…” she says with a light chuckle.

“No! It’s not like that. I mean, I know I’ve been out of the game for decades, but I’d like to do things right. Let’s not qualify this as a first date and I’ll think of something totally old fashioned and cliché to satisfy as the awkward yet romantic first date. I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Bucky Barnes, Lady Killer. Were you really like that back then?” ask Nat as she pulls Bucky back to their walk.

“Doesn’t seem like me, does it? Here I am, all storm clouds and Bucky Barnes was this guy who went out dancin’, boozin’, and sweet talkin’.”

“Did you like being that guy?” Nat squeezes his hand comfortingly.

“Some of it. Dancing’s fun. Being a Howlie, you’ve got to be able to hold your liquor.” Bucky smiles as he reminisces. “But the sweet talking was a bit of a chore. Don’t get me wrong, that was fun too but, I was kind of overcompensating.”

“Because?”

“Well, being the quiet one, people thought that’s the personality that would suit Steve then, because he was sickly and not exactly everyone’s ideal man. For me, I had no ‘deficiencies’, I was relatively good-looking, could handle myself in a fight; if I acted like that quiet guy, it calls more attention. People would think I’m strange, an ‘invert’ or sick in the head even. Though, back then there really wasn’t much of a difference between the two. Which was a bad thing if you were a quiet one and queer at the same time, deadly in fact.”

“Sometimes the best hiding spots were right in front of people.”

“Exactly.” Bucky smiles sadly, hearing the old advice he used to give her.

“Did you ever, get a chance to be with a man back then?”

“I kissed a guy once. Didn’t really know him. Saw him a couple of times at some clubs on his own, bit of a wallflower. Caught him looking at me a couple of times. Don’t really know how he knew…”

“It’s called a gaydar.” Says Nat, hugging Bucky’s flesh arm.

“Of course it is.” Bucky chuckles but the smile slowly fades.

“I don’t think he got caught with someone or anything but he was a bit more effeminate, not extremely or anything. But he moved different, sounded different. One night a couple guys just felt like beating on someone, spotted him and took him outside. I wanted to help but I had Steve to look after. It’s not an excuse, I know, but I never saw him again after that. I don’t know whether to regret it or pat myself on the back for not getting myself killed, leaving our old punk on his own.”

Nat hugs the arm tighter to herself.

After restraining her curiosity for a moment, Nat finally asks “Did you ever, you know…?”

“For Steve? Of course I did! I know I said he’s not everyone’s ideal man but have you seen his old photos? Well no, a lot of his pre-serum photos from the army archives are of him being smug. But even before the serum, he was beautiful. Not everyone can see past his weaknesses, but if Peggy were alive, she’d back me up on this. That kid looked like a fucking angel, despite being an insufferable hothead.”

Bucky shrugs before continuing.

“Nothing ever happened. He’s just my very attractive best friend. There was a bit of an infatuation when we were kids, which confused the hell out me. Though, I wasn’t really looking for a relationship and that guy’s head was always on to the next bit of trouble he could stir up and not on anything remotely romantic. It could have been more if he was interested and the circumstances were different but it never happened. I just know being without him was absolutely awful. I don’t need to be in love with him to know that, I just have to love him.”

“And if he’s interested now?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m going to be interested in you for the foreseeable future.” Says Bucky, thinking Natasha needs reassuring.

But then Nat asks “And if he’s interested in me too?”

Bucky raises a brow and says “I know where you’re going with this.”

“This is a safe space where we can talk about all sorts of things without judgement and feel a sense of solidarity.” Says Nat in an overtly dramatic and comforting voice.

“Safe space.” Bucky scoffs. “Can you imagine how red Steve’s face would be if he heard this?”

“Yes and it is glorious.”

They laugh for a moment. Nat was happy that she got the man to open up but was grateful that she was able to steer his mood into something less maudlin.

“Sorry. I'm kind of monopolizing the conversation aren’t I?” Bucky cringes to himself.

“We rarely get you to talk. This is a good thing.”

“It's you.” Bucky looks down a Nat, adoringly. “I know I made fun of that ‘safe space’ stuff but this does feel like it. No judgement.”

“How can I judge you? Our demons look about the same. Our sin weigh about the same. But maybe it’s not just me. This is your recovery, regaining your memories, your sense of self, breaking down walls.”

“Steve did say I was a bit of a chatterbox back in the day. But maybe now I don’t have to overdo it. No more showboating to hide myself just being myself for the people who are worth it.”

Bucky pulls Nat into an alley and holds her close, making her giggle. They look into each other’s eye, Nat unconsciously rocking up on her toes. Bucky takes her cheek, caressing it for a moment before pulling her into a deep kiss. It’s both gentle and hungry, slow, savoring every second and every centimeter of contact. They part breathless. Bucky bows his head into the crook of her neck, breathing her in.

“I’ve wanted to do that since you opened your door this morning.” Says Bucky.

“Would have been a hell of a ‘good morning’.” Nat smiles.

There is a noise from above. They look up to see the quinjet passing above.

“They're back. We should head back too.” Says Bucky looking down at their hands entwined.

Nat leans her forehead on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Clint's heading back to the farm after this. I'm thinking I should give him a primer before we tell the team.”

“I should do the same for Steve. He'll ask for one either way.”

They hold hands the rest of the way back.

“Good luck.”

“You too.”

They let each other’s hand go when the elevator dings for the common room floor.

“Hey, Clint!” Nat calls after the man, leaving Bucky with a confused Steve.

“Hey.”

“Bucky, you scared me this morning.” Says Steve, not wasting anytime.

“I left a note. It was just breakfast. You were the one facing off with arms dealers.”

“You need rest. You both do.”

“I feel plenty rested. What I need is for you to listen.”

“I’m listening.”

They walk over to the piano and sit side by side on the small piano stool, both looking down at their feet.

“I know you worry about me constantly since you got me back. I’m not saying there’s no need for it. Clearly I’m still dealing with some things. But not all of it is because of being the Winter Soldier. Some of it I've carried before all of this. Some of it is because of coming back. But you have to understand that not all of is going to make me explode, or make me more withdrawn. Some of it I just have to deal with, alone or otherwise. And some of it’s not all bad. Some of it’s a pretty amazing actually.”

“Nat?” Steve asks with a frown.

“I know you think she’s some replacement for a past love, a crutch or something. She isn't. I knew her. And I don’t mean that I’ve shot her a couple of times in the past. I do mean in the biblical sense.”

“How…”

“We plan on telling the team soon. We’ll explain how all of this works.” Bucky cuts him off. “I just need you to know that this doesn’t make her a distraction from my recovery. She’s part of my recovery.”

“Bucky, the doctor says you’re very vulnerable right now…”

“That’s why I sought Talia out.”

“Close, stable, platonic relationships are what’s best for you right now.”

“A long time ago, Natalia Romanova made me remember what it was to feel human. This may be the farthest thing from platonic but it’s one of the closest and most stable relationships I have. I love you, Steve.” Steve turns to look at him. “But I will never just be Bucky Barnes. You’re who he loved. You were his rock. But as Zima…The Winter Soldier, he loved Natalia.”

Steve remained quiet but Bucky knew he needed more.

“I trained her when she was young, before she became the Black Widow. I tried to protect her and I tried to make her strong for all the times I couldn’t.”

“You succeeded.”

“Disregard the romantic aspect of our relationship, and she was to the Winter Soldier what you were to Bucky Barnes. She was the sun. She’s what kept me sane all those years. The years before her, as the Asset, were just torture. And when she came along, there was good again. Then when I lost her, there was just emptiness. What was left of Bucky Barnes and Zima were snuffed out and I became a machine. I know seeking her out in my state, which I admit is unstable, might not have been wise. But in my heart, she is my anchor. I sought her out, out of necessity. You have to understand, I need you but I need her too."

Bucky continues with a firmer voice.

"You know she wouldn’t hurt me and I’m working towards a version of me that can never be made to hurt her again. We’re trying this out. This relationship. And whatever turbulence comes we'll deal with it. However we end up, we trust that neither of us would aim to break the other.”

“Do you love her?” asks Steve.

Bucky was unsure how to answer. He needed Steve to understand how important this was. He needed to be honest without seeming to just be rushing into a relationship that could possibly harm him or Natalia, when he was in fact eager to have her in his life again.

“I loved her once.” He says, finally. “I think I still do. It’s in here, it was frozen like the rest of me once was. It just needs a chance. It’s a chance were taking no matter what anyone says.”

Steve remains silent. Bucky pulls him by his shoulders, into his chest, taking him into an awkward sideways hug. He kisses Steve on his crown like he used to back in the day and whispers into his hair.

“I’ll leave you to it.” Says Bucky as he walks away.

 

Around dinner time the next day, Natasha returns to find Bucky alone at the piano.

“What happened?” She asks.

“Not much. You?”

“Clint’s says he’s happy for me. Whatever we turn out to be, only time will tell but getting some answers about my past along the way, he thinks that’s good. But that’s Clint for you, not much surprises him anymore. What about, Steve?” Nat asks gently, not wanting to aggravate what she suspects to be an unsatisfactory outcome.

“Well, he’s not angry or disappointed or overly worried. Though he hasn’t talked much to me since yesterday. He has doubts about us, I think.”

“Where is he?” Nat sits beside him on the piano stool.

“Out on a mission. The man just doesn’t take a break, especially the last few days. He’s processing.”

“He on his own?” Nat asks, trying to calm her own worries.

“He’s with Sam and Wanda. It doesn’t seem like a big one but he thought I could use a break anyway. Rest.”

“Probation?”

“In so many words. I mean apart from our talk, I did fuck up on mission so…”

“What does Steve do when you’re like this?”

“Like what? Benched? I’m fine.” Bucky shrugs.

“You know, you’ve been so evasive with me in the past that it’s become easy to tell when you’re doing it in almost any context. Granted, you don’t seem like you’re really trying too hard.”

It was harder to resist her now, as their bond seems to be slowly repairing itself.

“I had a dream.” Bucky yields that little bit.

“New memory?”

“No. I’ve seen it several times.”

After a lengthy pause, Natalia knew Bucky still needed a bit of a push.

“Alright fine, since you seem to enjoy being cryptic, I’ll start. I had a dream too. It started out nice. The two of us were at a party. It was in this big house. There was dancing and booze. Everyone was in formal attire but it was kinda wild. Bunch of socialites just going crazy with the music and the … excess. You were on top of a table, all handsome and charismatic, literally showering the crowd with champagne.”

“Then, later showered them with bullets?”

“We both did.”

Bucky nods in remembrance. “The Belmont Massacre.”

“I stood beside you in the end, holding your hand, looking down at the corpses. Your hand was shaking.”

She took Bucky’s hand in both of her own, caressing it on her lap.

“I threw up in the toilet after. Then I just shrugged it off like it was nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing. You felt that and I did too. It felt like the flu after, and you just held me through it.”

After a somber moment of silence, Nat asked “Why did I call you Zima?”

“What?” Bucky turns to look at her, their eyes finally meeting for the first time since she sat down.

“I’ve been getting a lot of new memories.”

“I know. You’ve got help.”

“Don’t get jealous. Wanda offered to help you when you got back, if you remember.” Natalia teases.

“I’m not jealous. I don’t think I can handle someone tinkering inside my head again. But she does seem good for you.”

“Back then, people in the Red Room called you a lot of things. Aktiv, Amerikanets, Tovarishch, Zimniy Soldat or simply Soldat. Why do I remember calling you Zima?”

“Jakov Zima was an alias. You kept calling me that even after the mission but never within hearing range of anyone else but I guess it just stuck.”

“I remember the mission.”

They smile at each other, thinking of the sweet moments in between.

“It was a kind of endearment but I do remember you saying that with you I’m not ‘always a soldier but I was always as cold as winter.’”

“That sounds less cheesy in Russian.” Natalia defends.

“You always had a way with words and you were mad at me when you said that. One of those instances I tried to break it off with you.”

“You did that often?” Nat looks at him disapprovingly.

“I just wanted you safe. I always knew you’d grow to be strong but I always, at least when I had my mind, I always worried. Call it the caveman in me, but I can’t help it. I know you can probably beat me up if you wanted but I knew you when you were young and fragile. I’ve seen you get so close to death that however strong you get, no matter the amount of help you get, give me an unpredictable situation and my mind will always conjure up the worst. I will always fight to make sure you never get close to death again.”

Natalia sighs, then leans her head on his shoulder.

“Alright. Enough of your sweet talk.” She says.

“That counts as sweet talk?”

“What’s really bothering you?” she insists.

“I’d rather not subject you…”

“Please.”

Bucky nod and begins his story reluctantly.

“We were somewhere different, outside the facility. Some secret rendezvous. It wasn’t the first time we met like that. It was a small dark bedroom with just the bare essentials. I held you close after we made love.” Nat smiles at this but Bucky’s expression stayed woeful.

“You told me you loved me for the first time that night but before I could respond, the door was busted open. I’m not sure how many there were. It was like men just kept pouring through the door. I tried to hold them back but I was naked and the only weapon I had was my arm. I had a gun but it was on the floor somewhere. There was no point, it was a small space. They crowded us real quick. You tried to help but then one of them got close to me, whispered a word in my ear and I fell unconscious.”

“Does the word still work on you?” Nat asks.

“Not since Wakanda. They tested it. Talia?” Bucky asks with concern when he turns to see Natalia’s face now matching his.

“It was Belova who told on us wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. Just realized that too actually. Made interrogating her a bit interesting.”

Nat closes her eyes in sadness before continuing Bucky’s story herself.

“They grabbed me, threw a sheet at me and told me to cover myself. They brought us back to the Red Room, to this lab. Five men held me still to stand in front of you. They shoved you into this chair contraption and the impact woke you up. You started to panic when you saw me and your surroundings”

 

_“You think you love her Soldat? She is pretty enough, I suppose. Some might say plain but she seems to be effective on some of the more ‘delicate’ missions. I suppose it’s not really the looks that matter on those. She might just appear enough to be the whore she really is to attract those marks. Was that also what fooled you into thinking you were man enough to love and be loved? You are a weapon of destruction and that is all you are good for.”_

_A man in military uniform spoke in Russian._

_“It’s all a silly delusion but I can be kind. I can’t possibly allow for such disruption in our program but I can give you a last glimpse of her. You could enjoy her lude beauty before I take her from you.”_

 

Tears started streaming down Natalia’s face.

“He started to pull the sheet off of my body. You shouted ‘no’ over and over demanding him to stop. Your shouts got louder I think when you though as I did, that he was only revealing the skin of my stomach and between my breasts. He had a knife in his hand. I think we both thought he meant to kill me with it, gut me like a fish. But then a loud mechanical sound buzzed inside the lab. Your shouts turned into pleading. You said ‘Please don’t.’ over and over again.”

Bucky pulls Natalia close, she was almost sitting on his lap.

“They strapped you to the chair. Then you were just silent and crying. It was strange seeing you cry for the first time. It was like you were resigned to what was happening. They put this thing on your head. Then you told me you loved me, like it was goodbye.

"You started screaming in agony. I saw your eyes roll back in your head. After…One of them slapped you across the face to wake you up and it sort of woke me up to. I realized what a slobbering mess I’d become. But you, your eyes were empty. You just looked around scanning the room then looked straight ahead. You looked right through me.”

I was calling for you, I called you James that time. I don’t know how I knew your name then but I called you James. You didn’t react. One of the men asked you if you recognized ‘this whore’ and you said you didn’t. They put you in ice. And that was the last I saw of you until Odessa.”

Bucky is taken aback and interrupts her.

“How do you know that? Even I’m not sure if that was the last.”

“I also remember trying to break you out but the night I tried the lab was no longer there and neither were you. I was surprised they let me live after that. They said it was a valuable lesson that I learned; that love was for children. My idea of love didn’t exist and the love that did had no other use but to be a weapon on the weak-minded. They told me to use love but never let it be used on me.”

They share a moment of silence as Bucky wiped away her tears.

“So how did I know to call you James at that point?” Natalia asks.

“Me remembering. It was you. You were tearing down the blocks in my mind. I was becoming noncompliant, remembering bits about my past, my name; even my nickname even though I didn’t know it was my nickname at the time. I remembered a scrawny American kid saying ‘Bucky’. I was so confused. I described the experience of remembering and you said it must be a memory. Because that’s what it’s like for you when you remembered the blood, snow and mud from when you were separated from your family. Like dreaming, with bits missing, but everything felt real.”

“I don’t understand how they took away some of my memories and left others.”

“From what I can tell, our minds organize memories by emotional association before it does by time or composition. At least mine does and yours too, it would seem. They wanted to get rid of our relationship but not our work. So they probably got rid of the memories with me but only those associated with lust, desire…love. Until I blended into the background, just another one of your trainers.”

Natalia nods before sharing her own evidence for the theory.

“But they forgot comfort and security, they didn’t think we’d have any. I kind of remembered you from before but like you said, just another one my trainers but those were the tickets that got me you back. I remember feeling safe with you.”

“Steve asked me if I love you.” Bucky admitted.

“What did you say?” Nat asks caustiously.

“I told him that I did once. That I think I still do. I know this is a bit fast…”

“No!” Nat sits up then takes his face by her hands. “I think we’ve waited long enough.”

“I love you.” Says Bucky.

“I love you too.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexy times, anyone?

“I love you too.”

They kiss and caress every bare surface of skin. They reach under clothes with calloused fingers onto hard flesh. It’s familiar yet new. There was finally a man underneath the skin, one who had a better understanding of himself and what he wanted. And this time, no one can stop him from pursuing who it was.

Natalia was different too. Her face more mature, her movements more confident, her eyes strangely more trusting. Her grip reached deeper into him. Her thighs feel like they would never letting him go again. For all her strength then, she was still delicate. Now, the years and what allowed her to live through all those years, has made her in to a force of nature. Now Bucky would let this wave, this hurricane, devour him.

But again he remembers the years, how long they’ve been apart. And deep in those trusting eyes, he saw his Little Spider once more. He hesitates.

“Should we be doing this?” Bucky holds her back by her shoulders.

“Do you want to?” Nat asks cautiously.

“Of course,” he caresses her cheek. “but it’s been years. Is this wise? Are we ready?”

“I was sure then wasn’t I? And aren’t the circumstances better this time around?” She says with a slight smile.

“The time and the place, maybe.” Bucky’s eyes drift down to a scar partially covered by Natalia’s hiked up shirt. “I’m not so sure about me.”

Natalia tips Bucky’s head up with a finger, looks him in the eyes with a sympathetic expression but decides on a more light hearted approach.

“I did just have a pretty bad breakup not too long ago, if you could call that a breakup, or what it was even a relationship.”

Bucky looks at her, confused, not sure where this is going.

“After that, I think I can handle whatever you got to throw my way. And it would certainly be worth the effort for the love of my life.”

“The love of your life?” asks Bucky, pleasantly surprised.

“Well if we’re talking longevity here, this thing with you has been around the longest and it’s still going strong.”

Bucky holds her close by her neck, resting his forehead on her forehead. He closes his eyes, breathing her in for a moment.

Slowly, they undress each other, Bucky’ shirt then Natalia’s. Nat stands to remove her bottoms and Bucky caresses her bare thighs as she sits back down, astride the piano stool.

She gasps as Bucky suddenly pulls her towards him, so close that her thighs sat on his. Bucky leans down to kiss the swell of her breasts and lightly caress them with his stubbly cheeks.

Nat looks up to the ceiling with a sigh as she feels hooks come loose at her back and feels cool air on the newly uncovered skin of her breasts. He puts a warm wet tongue to them, making goosebumps rise on her skin as her nipples grow stiff.

Bucky looks back up with a smile. It’s not a smile of excitement or gladness but of relief. Like, despite being together all this time, he’s finally found her after so long a search.

Nat pulls him into a kiss with both her hands, devouring him just as he’d wanted her to.

Bucky pulls himself out of his pant. He lifts her from his lap, hands on her bottom. He slips fingers near her entrance just too check that she’s ready for him. She shivers at feather-light caress.

With one swift motion, he enters her. She moans at the delicious impact within her. He shivers in satisfaction as he is enveloped by her wet warmth.

They pause to look into each other’s eyes and then they begin.

It is a furious, fast and forceful rhythm. A push and pull so strong it could bruise, and they expect it to. They expect a soreness to set in the next day. A discovery of red scratches and purple marks in the shape of hands.

For now they shall create destruction through noise. They shall disturb the quiet of this tower with echoing moans, groans and the sound of wet flesh.

“Zima!” she screams, a name so rarely spoken, in a voice so rarely used.

“Talia.” He whispered in her ear, over and over.

There were no other words, no warnings or requests. This part knew well. None of the differences matter now. They were back in their old bubble, away from everything else.

It ends with strangled moans, a wet embrace and ragged breathing. And a hot flood within her.

They sit there in each other’s embrace until their limbs buzz with pin pricks.

They groan as they disentangle themselves and moan when Bucky pulls out of her.

Natalia stands carefully to retrieve a shirt from the floor. Bucky watches her, biting his tongue at the sight of his seed trickling down her legs.

“That view is never going to get old.” He says.

She turns to him and says “Don’t count on it.” As she puts the shirt on.

“That’s my shirt.” Bucky points out.

“Just like in the movies.” She says as she pulls down the shirt as far as it’ll go, failing to cover the white on her thighs. She proceeds to take her own shirt and use it to wipe away at the milky substance.

“What am I supposed to wear?” asks Bucky.

She kneels on the floor next to him and rest her chin on him knee.

“Your pants, just your pants.” She say.

“Like in the movies?”

“Exactly.”

Bucky follow orders and puts on his trousers.

“So decades of being apart and our first time together in decades is on a bench.” Bucky says as they it side by side and half-dressed on the aforementioned bench.

“In a very public part of the tower, with large windows everywhere.” Nat added.

“I think Friday tinted the windows for us at least, so I’m good.”

“You certainly were, even after so many years. We did pretty well for ourselves. Just like riding a bike.” Nat says cheekily.

“Do you call all your past lovers bikes? I’d like to think I’m more of a motorcycle. Maybe, I do need a bit more practice.”

“Well there’s certainly room for improvement.” Nat says with a saucy smile.

“Would you be willing to assist?” Bucky whispers, his breath ghosting over her lips.

“If I have to.”

He smirks and says “Speaking of room for improvement…”

He surprises her, lifting her up from their seat and stands.

“James!” she shouts, holding onto his neck for dear life.

“Yours or mine?” he asks.

Natalia laughs for a moment as she thinks.

“Well, we might give Steve a heart attack if he finds your bed empty again when he checks on you, but then if he checks on you and I’m in bed with you that might also result in a heart attack.”

“Mine then. It might result in him learning to knock.”

* * *

 

The next morning, Bucky woke up early and Nat woke up to him sitting in bed looking into the distance.

“Morning.” She greets cautiously.

“Morning.” He greets back, surprisingly with a smile.

Nat had thought he’d woken from a nightmare but the smile threw her off.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. I was just thinking. Did Steve ever tell you what I had in my bag when I was on the run?”

“No. Why? Is it important?”

Bucky shifts in bed to turn his body towards her.

“Since I started getting my memories back, I developed this system… well my therapist calls it a system. It just sort of seemed the obvious way to go at the time and she said just to stick with it. By ‘it’ I mean I kept notebooks, journals of memories that were coming back to me. The doctor thought it seemed like a good practice for me but really it was conceived out of fear. Fear of losing my memories again.

“At the time I didn’t have anyone who had my back but myself. I thought if I lost my memories no one was going to help me except me. So, despite the chances of someone destroying them it was still one more line of defense that couldn’t be hacked. I had whole notebooks with events and people. I’ve tried to put them in order as best I can.”

Bucky grabbed a notebook from a bedside table. He held it tight and looked at it with adoration.

“I have a few notebooks dedicated to people and places. I had several of Steve, since I knew him for so long. I had several just filled with horrors. I have one with all the good thing that happened despite being a brainwashed assassin. That one turned out to be all about you. We had so little time together, but that time despite forgetting so much of it, may just have saved me. I know it’s just a fragment of what you’ve lost, I don’t know if reading it will do you harm or good but I’m leaving the choice to you.”

He presented the book to her. And she just stared at it for a moment. Her hands hovering over it in hesitation.

When she finally took it, she was almost startled by how light it felt I her hands. Like her mind and her body couldn’t agree that this piece of her beloved’s soul and a piece of her history should be so light despite it only being made of paper, glue, and thread.

Suddenly Natalia had a distinct urge to ask Bucky “Do you remember the Bolshoi mission?”

Bucky, though being slightly thrown by the question, says “Yes.”

“Opening night. You were so handsome in your expensive tuxedo and your shiny shoes.” Says Nat as she smiles at the notebook.

“Your hair was so long then, passed your shoulders by inches. You had it tied neatly at your nape, like a prince in a story book. Funny how despite everything I went through, despite what I was then; there was still a time that I was just a silly girl whose heart raised at the sight of a handsome man.”

Bucky smiled and blushed slightly before saying “I wouldn’t call one of my most skilled students ‘silly’, but I don’t think I was ever that handsome either.”

“One of your most skilled students?” Natalia raises an eyebrow.

“The very best of my students.” Bucky corrects himself with a chuckle.

“All the girls in the ballet wanted you. The young maestro with the leather jacket and the motorcycle. You looked so dangerous to them. They had no idea.” Nat recalls.

“Well that was the point, they weren’t supposed to know just how dangerous I was.”

“They had no idea you were such a dork.” Nat clarifies.

“Hey!”

“You are though. Dark and brooding but really quite a softy when doing anything outside of a directive.” She teases.

But then she smiles at him adoringly.

“Thank you for this.” She hugs the book to her chest. “I know remembering will be difficult for both of us. But we do have little gems like that ponytail to look forward to.”

Her smile turns mischievous. He puts a stop to her teasing with a deep, passionate kiss.

Before Nat could even realize she’d closed her eyes and opened them, he says “All right. Enough of your teasing. I’ll go make us some breakfast.”

Bucky gets up from the bed, puts on his sweatpants and a fresh shirt and heads for the door. But then he turns back to reassure her.

“French toast.”

* * *

 

Once Nat regained normal functions in her legs after that night and that recent kiss, she puts on some borrowed sweatpants and Bucky’s shirt from the night before and heads for the kitchen.

She stands by the entrance, looking at Bucky adoringly as he dipped sliced bread into the batter. He seemed unaware of his audience having his back towards her. Nat quietly moved towards him, tiptoeing with her bare feet. Just when she was about to jump and surprise him, he jumps to face her, surprises her instead.

“Not this time little spider.” He says with a chuckle.

“Ugh! I’ll get you next time.” Nat says in pretend frustration.

“I remember we used to have a tally of how many times we got to sneak up on each other. It was supposed to be an exercise on stealth that got way out of hand.” Bucky smiles at the memory.

“Well, we’re back to zero cause I can’t remember the last count.” Says Nat as she hugs him to her by his waist.

“And because I totally got you just now.” Bucky teases, obviously pleased with himself.

Nat cranes her neck to give Bucky a peck on the lips but Bucky turns back around.

“If I burn this toast, we’re having pancakes.” He says playfully.

“Don’t you dare.” Nat says as she continues to hug him from behind.

But then their little bubble bursts when Steve, Sam and Wanda enter the room.

“What the hell is going on here?” asks Sam.

Nat and Bucky break apart. Nat turns off the fire just to make sure she doesn’t end up having to eat pancakes today.

Sam stares at them, confused while Steve just gives an understanding quirk of the lip. Wanda just feels awkward because of their state of undress and knowing the answer to Sam’s question.

“Breakfast?” Bucky offers awkwardly.

After a moment of silence, Nat looks to Steve and says “We were planning to tell everyone at like a dinner or something but breakfast’s good to I guess.”

“Team meeting then.” Steve concludes.

“I’ll text the rest of them.” Says Wanda. Leaving a confused Sam staring at the two of them, not comprehending how they aren’t as shocked as he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that took a while. Final chapter coming your way soon.


	12. Chapter 12

Bucky ends up getting saddled with making French toast for everyone. When they finally ran out of bread, short of the feast that would be required to feed the whole team, Steve stepped in to whip up some bacon and eggs. Nat took care of the coffee.

Sam sat on the couch, looking around at his team mates, confused at the domesticity despite the early morning surprise that greeted them. No anger, no shock or even playful teasing. It’s like it’s no surprise at all.

“They’re on their way.” Wanda announces.

“What did you tell them?" Asks Steve.

“Just ‘Team meeting. Breakfast at the tower.’” She replies before she sit on the couch in front of Sam, awkwardly avoiding the man’s questioning eyes.

Bruce was the first to arrive which was awkward as all hell considering what was about to be discussed, the casual greetings exchanged among the team, and the impending conflict that only Sam seemed to be sensing. It was a good thing Vision came not to long after, and Clint arrived after him.

While waiting for Tony, Bucky decides to fill the awkward silence. He sat at the piano, once a source of painful revelations, now a refuge. He knew no one was going to bother him while he was sorting his head out.

Bucky didn’t know the details of Natalia’s failed relationship with Banner but he understood enough that this could be uncomfortable for all involved, at least to begin with. So despite their closeness earlier that morning, the old/new lovers had a silent agreement to not act to close until everything has been explained.

But then Bucky aimlessly pressed on some keys and slowly the sounds formed a tune. A tune Natalia just can’t ignore.

So with a wide grin on her face she says “I know that song.”

Having heard this, Sam raise an eye brow which Nat notices.

“What? Russians love the Beatles. Ever heard of bone records?” asks Nat.

“Bone…records?” Sam asks apprehensively, wondering what something that sounds so sinister could have to do with the Beatles.

“Bootlegged records pressed onto old x-ray films.” Bucky explains as he continues to play idly.

“The Beatles were banned for a while, among other things. That didn’t stop Beatlemania though. In our country, the Beatles were practically a form of rebellion. They were punk as all hell.”

 “Oh yes! Something. The quintessential punk record by the Beatles.” Tony pipes in sarcastically, having heard their conversation.

The team all turn to look at him, surprised by his arrival.

“So, where’s the fire?” Tony asks.

“No fire, just breakfast.” Says Steve, inviting the team to sit at the dining table.

 

* * *

 

 

They eat quietly. Making random appreciative noises in response to the food.

“So, how did the mission go last night?” Bucky starts, being uncharacteristically verbal.

“Good.” Says Steve in a forced casual and high pitched voice.

Before the manufactured normality could continue, Nat says “Shut up you two.”

“Yes ma’am.” Says the two super soldiers.

“I think Sam’s just about bursting with confusion at this point so, I’ll start.” She says before taking a lengthy breath.

“James and I are together.” She announces.

“James…?” Asks Tony.

“Bucky.” Nat clarifies.

Bucky then figures it’s his turn to explain.

“Steve and I have spoken about his concerns about my mental state and he is…he seems okay with this now.”

“I am.” Steve smiles reassuringly.

“That’s got to be more words than I’ve heard from old Buckaroo all month.” Says Tony jokingly.

“We just wanted to tell the team to clarify some things, some not directly pertaining to the relationship but has recently come up.” says Nat, and she continues on to give a very procedural explanation.

“And we think you all deserve to know considering it applies to my abilities and identity, thus may also affect how we work together as a team.”

The whole team apart from Bucky and Wanda, stares at her, confused.

“We’ve been together before.” Says Nat, bringing up more questions than answers.

After an audible pause of further confusion, the team voices these questions.

“You mean when he was shooting at you?” ask Sam.

“I mean, I’ve watched spy movies before. I’ve got the whole ‘sleeping with the enemy’ thing. Your competition is basically your colleague and this is what constitutes an office romance for you guys but, how do you find the time. These past few years…”

“Before all that.” Nat cuts of Tony’s litany of clichés “It was way…way back.”

“When did this even happen?” asks Sam.

“70s mostly. Maybe late 60s.” says Nat.

“But you were born in the 80s.” Steve, who’d patiently been listening with interest until now, chimes in.

“I wasn’t.”

“But SHIELD…” Steve pauses unsure on how to proceed.

“People always assumed I was a certain age. They used to think I was older than I was…” Nat explains.

“That they did.” Bucky grumbles, remembering at the lecherous men who’d fawned over his young protégé.

Ignoring Bucky’s comment, Nat continues.

“People later assumed I was younger than I actually was. I let them think they were right and at some point the guesses made it into a file. I think we’ve established that SHIELD wasn’t as good as we thought it was when it came to record keeping, when half of the workforce turned out to members of a Nazi cult.”

“How old are you, really?” Asks Steve, his brow wrinkled in confusion.

“My my, Cap! I thought you were an old fashioned gentleman. That’s not the sort of thing you ask a lady especially not someone who’s not entirely sure of the answer either.”

“How’s that?” Bruce asks, his concern for Natasha finally getting the better of him.

Nat has difficulty answering the question let alone looking Bruce in the eye.

Noticing Nat’s difficulty, Bucky answers for her. “I’m not the only one with memory problems.”

“And he isn’t the only one recovering some of those memories.” Natasha finds her voice again. “Bucky trained me back in the Red Room.”

“The Red Room?” asks Sam.

“It’s where I was…taught to be this.”

“Someone was hot for teacher.” Tony mumbles.

“Stark, I swear to god…” Nat rolls her eyes.

“But Miss Romanoff, The Red Room under Department X is a Soviet program. We have no record of Sargent Barnes being in their custody.” Says Vision.

“It was complicated in those days. We’re not entirely sure how it happened either.” Says Nat.

“I figured, I was on loan. Came with the User’s Manual and everything. They used me to help them make more like me. And they knew how to freeze me for storage and wipe my memory. I guess it’s that same technology they improved upon to wipe Tal…Nat of her memories.” Bucky adds.

“But wait, Clint, did you know about this?” asks Tony.

“Some of it. I knew Tasha isn’t in her early 30s, that’s for sure.” Clint says jokingly.

“Thanks, Clint.” Says Nat in mock offence.

The team takes a moment to process everything until Sam asks “So you’re…immortal?”

“Far from it. I age slower and I’m a bit more durable than the regular human.”

“How?” asks Bruce.

“Same answer as a lot of things. Super soldier serum.”

“They never really stopped trying to recreate that thing did they?” says Steve.

“No. I was given a version of it when I was chosen to be the Black Widow in my…late teens maybe.”

Another moment of silence tests Nat’s nerves before Steve decides to take the lead.

“Well, that’s a lot to process. Though, things are clearer now. I may only be speaking for myself here, and I did have a head start on this, but I get it. I know I’ve been doubtful, I’ve been overprotective and then became distant for a bit. But I get it. You both have a lot to work out, and I will still worry. But you do seem stronger together.”

Steve turns to Nat directly.

“And Nat, nothing’s changed, you were always extraordinary. You’re history may be longer, a bit more colorful, and maybe more difficult than we already thought it was. But whatever else you learn about it, you’ll still our Nat.”

The rest of the team sound out their various affirmatives, Tony giving his unique “Here! Here!”

Nat smiles and says “You trying to make me blush, Rogers?”

“Trying?” Steve teases.

And Nat says “Shut up.”

“Can we go back to eating now?” Tony pipes in.

“No one told you to stop.” Says Sam who, like the rest of the team was now done eating and only drinking coffee.

“So, what I’m the only one who was affected by the tension enough to stop eating?” says Tony in outrage.

And they answer him in unison “Yes.”

 

* * *

 

 

After breakfast, they all do their bit of the cleaning up. While Tony is still rushing to finish the food on his plate, Wanda juggles the dishes to the sink with her power. Steve and Bucky clean what was left from the cooking. Bruce and Vision wash the dishes (though Vision insist he’ll be faster on his own). And Clint and Nat wipe down the tables and the counters.

After the cleaning, the team get into their own business and pastimes. Nat has just sat on the couch beside Bucky when she sees Bruce at the balcony.

“I’m just gonna go talk to him.” She tells Bucky.

“You don’t have to ask my permission. But thanks for asking.” He smiles at her.

Nat makes her way to Bruce and greets him as she reaches the doorway.

“Hey.”

He turns to look at her, phone in hand.

“Hey.” He greets her back and holds up his phone. “Colleague, send a chart but I can’t seem to be able to enlarge it.”

Nat reaches for the phone and shows him how to do it.

“Well, that was embarrassingly simple.” Says Bruce.

“Busy?” Nat asks.

“Nothing urgent.”

Nat takes a moment to gather her words.

“This is awkward.” She says.

“Yeah.” Bruce agrees.

“I know we didn’t really go anywhere so, I may be assuming too much here but…Are we cool?” asks Nat.

“Yeah. Bucky seems like a nice guy.” Say Bruce, earning himself a raised eyebrow from Nat.

“Well, he seems good for you, anyway.” He says with a chuckle.

“He is good. He’s been through a lot of shit. But he’s a good man.” Says Nat, leading them to another awkward pause.

“Look Nat, you don’t have to worry about me. It was the close proximity, working together, and the tandem wallowing.” Bruce reassures her with another awkward chuckle. “It could have happened to anyone. And I do look great in a lab coat.”

Nat smiles at the joke and shakes her head.

Bruce continues on to say “We really didn’t know if there was anything there, or even if there could have been. I left. We lost our chance but not to the point of it being sad. It didn’t go far enough to be sad. But we’re still friends and we still work together. So, all that happened between us doesn’t make me want a relationship but it does mean I may be a bit more concerned that a regular friend. And my concern now is if he makes you happy.”

Nat looks out into the distance, remembering the past few weeks and the man who’d returned to her after all these years.

“He amuses. He frustrates. He helps. He challenges. He makes me laugh. He makes me cry. He makes me giddy. He makes me French toast.”

“Sound like happy to me.” Says Bruce as he smiles at her and she smiles back.

“Thanks, Bruce. It’s good to have you in a house full of jocks. I love all of them in there, one more than anyone, but I can’t exactly talk about him to him all the time. The sensitive artist type’s a bit of a mother hen. And the only female is still a bit too young. You are a gift to us.”

Nat then smirks and says “You should really think about being a shrink.”

“Let’s not get into that again.” Says Bruce, rolling his eyes.

“Right, ‘not the right temperament.’ You handle ‘the other guy’ just fine.”

“Yeah, well let’s not tempt fate with this lot.” Says Bruce, tilting his head towards the team inside.

 

* * *

 

 

Back inside, Bruce makes his way to Tony, talking shop as usual. Sam and Clint are talking about something bird related. Wanda and Vision are having an adorably timid conversation. Bucky and Steve are talking about the old days, this time with smiles on their faces. Everything was as it should be and Nat smiles at the scene.

“So, what? You’re all just gonna hang out here now?” Nat shouts jokingly at the team.

“It’s my building.” Says Tony.

After some laughter, everyone goes back to what they were doing. Nat heads over to the couch where Steve and Bucky were seated. And She perches herself on the armrest on Bucky’s side.

“Well?” Bucky looks up at her.

“Everything’s good.” She says

“Good.” Says Bucky.

She leans in closer and says “I’m happy.”

He turns to look at her with somber eyes “Despite everything?”

“Living well, moving on, is the best revenge. And you are my best life.”

They smile at each other for a beat and Bucky surprises her by pulling her down into his lap. She squeaks in the process.

“Better make it good then.” He says.

“You’d better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making an epilogue so look out for that...or avoid it. It's going to be full of stupid jokes.


	13. Epilogue

 

_They smile at each other for a beat and Bucky surprises her by pulling her down into his lap. She squeaks in the process._

_“Better make it good then.” He says._

_“You’d better.”_

* * *

 

“What in all of humanity?” Tony exclaims, not entirely sure himself if it's from shock, disgust or delight.

“Was that…?” Sam asks, echoing supposedly similar sentiments.

Clint finally musters up the words and asks. “Did you just squeak?”

“Go about your business and let me enjoy my super soldier!” says Nat as she coils her arms around said super soldier.

Once the attention of the other occupants of the room are back to their own activities, Natalia and Bucky go back to their cuddling. Yes, it's wonderful to finally be affectionate in front of their friends but in truth the two are trying to see how nauseatingly sweet they can be before anyone complains.

"You ever think of growing out your hair?" asks Nat, as she plays with BUcky's long locks lovingly.

"It’s pretty long already." he replies matter-of-factly.

"It’s been longer." she says.

"It has…" Bucky looks at her intently, getting an idea of what she's really getting at.

"Would you like me to grow it out?"

Nat sighs and wave a hand dismissively. "It’s up to you. It’s your hair."

Playing along now, Bucky smirks and asks "Hey Talia, I’m thinking of having my hair longer. Think it’s a good idea?"

"Wouldn’t be terrible." she replies coolly at first but eventually a smirk breaks from her face as well.

"You know I’ve always wondered how you could have hair passed your shoulders and not have it snag on something in a fight, much less have an opponent yank at it." says Bucky.

Nat shrugs and says "It’s one of my super powers." 

"Madame B would not approve." says Bucky. "Didn’t she have strict hairstyle rules during training?"

Nat grunts at the memory and then proceeds to mimic Madame B's severe cadence.

"A high bun, a chignon du cou or a French twist. Never down or in a ponytail!"

"Solid pointers. Good for appearances and limits vulnerabilities. Think I can pull one off?" asks Bucky.

Nat laughs and says "You’re beautiful as you are darling but you’d make an ugly ass ballerina."

"Well you would be the expert."

This once again calls the attention of the merry trio that is Tony, Sam and Clint.

"Wait, what?" asks Sam.

Clint just laughs and says "I knew I was going to like you two together."

Tony then attempts to ask "Are you implying that Romanov here was...?"

"Talia was a dancer." Bucky confirms.

"No! I wasn’t."

"You were brilliant." Bucky insists.

"That was for a mission. I lost all the physical conditioning required for that in like two weeks after we wrapped. And I was hardly brilliant." says Nat.

"There’s still a natural inclination. You’ve been doing it since you were a kid. And you still do a bit of cardio barre in your workout out, right?" says Bucky.

Nat looks at him knowingly. "Someone's been paying attention. I thought before all this, you trying to keep your distance."

"Trying being the operative word. Don't change the subject, moy malen'kiy tantsuyushchiy pauk." My little dancing spider.

"There was no natural inclination! I did a bit of it as a kid as part of the Red Room’s cover and then I stopped for years until I picked it up for that damn mission. There was nothing natural about forcing years of training into those two months to the point of near physical collapse. And no matter what anyone tells you, cardio barre is not the same as ballet!"

"Say’s the girl who sparred with me on her free time during that mission." says Bucky.

"I’m used to strenuous activities." Nat replies in a sultry voice.

"Kinky." Tony quips.

Ignoring him, Nat continues her explaination. "Also I’m not a girl anymore. I age slowly but I still age."

"Hardly." says Bucky with a dreamy smile on his face.

"Someone’s going for the bonus boyfriend points." says Nat.

"Did I get any? I’m saving those up for a teddy bear."

"Which reminds me!" Steve suddenly pipes is.

"Shut up, Steve!" says Bucky, knowing exactly what Steve wants to bring up.

"Not to toot my own horn here…" Steve starts.

"And the night just gets kinkier." Tony quips again.

"But as you know, there were numerous merchandise created during the war, granted not of the best quality."

"Steve!" Bucky tries to stop Steve's history lesson.

"They were made for fund raising and propaganda. But apart from really cheesy ones with my face on ‘em, they also made things for the Howlies. Bucky was a favorite of course. The dames thought he was handsome, the kids thought he was so cool."

"You mean ‘neat’, right Cap." says Sam.

"Shut up, Sam." says Steve.

"No. You shut up, Steve!" Bucky continues to protest.

"You, shut up. This is for singing that damned theme song over and over for a week."

"I’m gonna start singing if you don’t stop."

"…So, anyway…" Steve tries to continue.

 _"Who’s strong and brave here to save the American waaaaay!..."_ Bucky tries to sing over Steve's progressively loud voice.

"…there were also cards with his face but there was also Bucky Bear."

And with a flourish, Steve reveals an image of said bear on his phone.

"Bastard." Bucky mutters.

"WHAT!"

The team go crazy and there is a flurry of hands grabbing for the phone.

"I’m in a bidding war for a vintage one online. I’m gonna try that kickstarter thing and reproduce ‘em." Steve announces.

"No, you’re not." Bucky protests.

"I’d pledge to that." says Nat.

"I’m cashing in my boyfriend points. Do not pledge to this!"

"Wait, that thing’s supposed to be dressed like you right? Did you really wear a bright red and blue outfit in WWII? asks Sam.

"Short shorts!" Tony exclaims.

"That was just Steve! Everything was in black and white. People just assumed we all looked as ridiculous as he did. Dougan’s hat didn’t help disprove that either." Bucky explains.

"That jacket was still pretty blue and the collar on it was something else." says Steve.

"But I wasn’t wearing tights and short shorts like that damn bear, was I?"

"Also you never wore a helmet after you joined my team. The hair just can’t be concealed even if seeing it when there’s gun fire always gave me palpitations."

Bucky grunts in exasperation and says "How many times! You realize we haven’t moved on from this argument for over 70 years now. I was a sniper. That’s the advantage of a high vantage point. Other people needed to protect their heads from me."

"I’m still getting the damn bear. It’s up to the people if they really want one of their own." says Steve, feigning innocence.

"You’re lucky you’re cute, Rogers." Bucky points at him in a mock threat.

"What?" asks Steve, slightly uncomfortable with the off-handed compliment.

Nat caresses Bucky's back as if to reign in his temper.

“He does have a nice ass. You’d forgive that ass.” she says making Steve blush.

"He has nice everything." says Bucky. "Including some really great parts that didn’t need the super serum’s help."

"His...?" Nat asks.

"His heart, love. His heart." Bucky clarifies.

"So he didn’t have heart problems?" asks Nat, acting confused.

"That’s not what…But he actually did have heart problems." Bucky admits.

"But no matter how problematic it was, it was still made of gold." Nat swoons dramatically.

"Yup, and some other substance that can be really stubborn."

"You can say that again."

"Wait, are we really considering this?" asks Bucky in a scandalized tone, leaning deeper into the joke.

"It’s a fantasy darling. But he is single at the moment." Nat points out.

"He had a thing with that Peggy knockoff, though." Bucky grumbles

"She’s not a knockoff, she’s a friend." Nat reprimands him.

"A friend who’s getting in the way of our fantasy."

"True."

"You’re talking about me, right? I’m not just imagining this?" Steve interrupts their not-so-quiet conversation.

"Sorry, what dear?" asks Nat, feigning innocence.

"I’m right beside you, here. We’re on the same couch. I can hear you!" Steve's cheeks are now a very deep red.

"Well that’s on you. We’re way over on this side of the couch. You’re the one listening in." Bucky complains.

"You are clearly trying to get my attention!"

"Well, you are quite a specimen Steve. But to just assume that the subject of any conversation referring to an attractive person with a nice behind, who has dated someone who looks like or is related to another someone who was called Peggy…

“Heart problems.” Bucky adds.

“…who used to have heart problems…is highly narcissistic.”

Everyone is quiet for a moment until Bucky says “Put him out of his misery, darling.”

"We have a crush on you." Nat finally says.

"What?" asks Steve, not really knowing how else to respond.

"We both have a crush on you, Stevie." Bucky confirms.

"Okay. That’s enough." says Steve.

"We’re serious." The couple say in unison.

"Come on guys. You’ve had your fun."

"I had a crush on you too and I’ve been around pictures of you since I was a kid. I mean you’re annoying as fuck but…" Tony pipes in.

"Don’t encourage this, Tony." says Steve.

"Yup, me too."

"Sam?" Steve asks exasperatedly.

"What? I know we’re buds now and I’m generally speaking…”

“Generally speaking?” asks Clint.

“More or less straight. But that first meeting, I was almost done with my run but this hot celebrity guy started talking to me so I kept running. You know what they say ‘I hate to see him go but I love to watch him’…jog ahead of me.”

The team are all laughing now, and as red as Steve is, little huffs of laughter escape his mouth as he protests.

“You are pretty charismatic, Steve.” Bruce joins in.

“You’re like the really cute professor all the students have a crush on.” says Wanda with a smile.

“Or a hot lumberjack, with those wide shoulders. You should totally grow a beard and chop more firewood for my place, in full view from the kitchen.” Clint suggests.

“You are what most would consider classically handsome, especially in your old army dress uniform.” and Vision completes the set.

“Guys!” Steve says in a last attempt at breathy, laughter-filled protest.

“So, we’ve established everyone has a crush on Steve?” asks Bucky which was followed by unanimous positive responses.

“There you go. See, it’s not that unheard of.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is. Done and dusted. I did say it was going to be stupid but that ended up a bit cracky...What do you guys think? 
> 
> P.S.  
> Thank you so much for all the support! To think this started with a sleepover one-shot with a sprinkling of Buckynat. You guys have been wonderful.
> 
> P.P.S.  
> You think Thor would have a crush on Steve too?

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment.


End file.
